These are a few of my favourite things...

Mr O: 'here you go'

[He hands over an unexpected really cute box of pink champagne truffles from hotel chocolat]

Me: 'aww thank you baby - why did you buy me these?!'

Mr O: 'Well, they're chocolates, they're pink and they've got champagne in, so I thought you'd like them!'

Source: Hotel Chocolat

Whoever said it was the big things - lied. It's all about the teeny tiny weeny things.

Love you baby, you know me so well - 'chocolate', 'pink' and 'champagne' are three of my favourite things!!!!

Mrs O
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Then and Now - Mrs O Update

Before we got married, we had lots of people wishing us 'well' and saying things like 'good luck'...

Everyone aged 30 and younger was excited - in their heads it was paaarty time! Everyone who had been through it themselves gave us the 'hmmm, are these kids sure they know what they're letting themselves in for..' eyes. Some people decided to tell use exactly what we were in for. In fact, in each of the 5/6 weddings that we attended the year before our own, there was always some sort of reference to how hard marriage would be and how we should be prepared for that. I know that life isn't a bed of roses, but why was everyone trying to rain on my parade?! I was a 'bride2b', why couldn't they just be excited! Married folk we know shared (sometimes graphic) stories about their lives and how it nearly broke their marriages and we were sat thinking -

'ummm are we doing the right thing here?'

I mean, we already lived together, we had already started a family; what could marriage change for the good when people felt the need to wish us 'luck'.

'things are good now, why change them?'

Over the past 6 years we've been through some major life events already - the kind of life events that drive couples apart - married or not. I'm talking family *ish*, nosey parkers, unemployment, illness, becoming parents, moving house, death of people close to us and then there were a couple of decades of bad habits that we both had to overcome in order simply to 'get on' with each other, whilst living under the same roof...

As though our relationship had not already been tested enough, we had yet another curve-ball thrown painfully at us in the midst of our wedding planning.

It was crunch time; time to decide properly - were we really ready to be married and not just get married? *Big difference*

We discussed our problem and realised that as a couple, we wanted to take this step. Then and there, we made a pre-marital pact  -

'to be together forever - regardless'. 

Following our curveball, we made things 'good' again - better than before. The best yet, actually.

We worked through our *ish* because we wanted to. We never gave up on our relationship and as of last year, we have made an official, legal, and most importantly spiritual commitment to each other -

'to be together, forever - regardless'

I don't know about Mr O, but that''s the biggest promise I've ever made. I feel that this post just can't do justice to the feelings and emotion that surround of marriage, but trust me - its there.

So one year on and counting - where are we? Well, so far, marriage has not been any of those horrific things that 'marrieds' told us about. Sure, it's been a challenging year, but nothing that love couldn't conquer. I think we've already had our fair share major curve-balls anyway...and if there is more to come, I know that with Mr O by my side, we can overcome anything!

Love for me is what I imagine heroin to be like. Now that I've gotten my fix (of love), I feel that everyone else should join me...I believe that love is a beautiful thing and that everyone should fall in love...

Me? Well, I get to do it (fall in love!) over and over again with Mr O - can't get better than that!

Mrs O
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One year and counting - Our First Anniversary

Wow - so officially, we made it... we've been married for a year! ONE WHOLE YEAR!  Plenty of people don't make it this far, I can think of at least 10 celebrity couples off the top of my head, so I am so so so thankful that my boo and I are still going strong - in fact stronger than ever. There was never any doubt, but we've still got to be thankful right! Can I get an Amen? And can I get a wooo hooo? Is it that obvious that I'm excited?!

Over the festive season, we spent a lot of time with family and friends, watched our wedding video on two separate occasions (with 2 different sets of people I should point out!)... we also received our final wedding album and a gorgeous calendar of photos (thank you rouge amour) which has now replaced a christmas wreath on our dining area wall (its funny because that wreath also featured at the top table of our wedding, so it feels lovely and symbolic to be replacing it with our personalised calendar for 2011!)

Looking at our photos and watching ourselves making promises to one another, in front of all our nearest and dearest was, well, moving really. On our actual anniversary, we found ourselves playing 'this time last year...' and kept recalling memories and sharing how we each felt on the day. It was such fun and really got us thinking, reflecting and talking.

One year on, how do I feel? How does Mr O feel? How has marriage differed from what we thought it would be like, what has changed? what hasn't changed? What have we learnt and what will be we do differently this year? Are we still newlyweds even? Hmmm...I could go on forever and I almost feel like I couldn't even begin to address these question in just one post, so I wont even try. I like writing this blog because I know I can look back at how I felt at a certain point in time and compare it to how I feel now, so I don't want to just skim over things... who knows, in a years time, I may want to look back at how I feel right now...

So, I think I'm not going to address every detail of marriage thus far in one vague post... instead, I'll probably write a few...we'll see how it flows I guess. Hopefully, well, maybe 10 years from now, I might look back and think - 'awww' or perhaps I'll think 'oh please' or maybe even, 'oh I thought I knew'...

First up has to be 'Then and Now'. I'll be working through what we thought 'marriage' would be like and how it's changed our relationship - for the better!    

(an annoying loved up)
Mrs O
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A Wife's Responsibilities in Marriage

In my last post, I mentioned that I am reading 'The Strong Willed Wife' by Dr Debbie Cherry. It's all about using your personality to honour God and your Husband and it's centred on the idea of being submissive. 


Alas, I reached Chapter 8 'Rights and Responsibilities'. I am really liking this chapter in particular, as it sort of synthesises the guidance from the various books of the Bible on what Mr O and I should be doing in our marriage. My focus for the moment is on what I should be doing, after all, I want to be the best wife that I can be. That is what he deserves. So, according to Debbie's interpretation of the Bible, wives' responsibilities are:


To be a 'help meet' to your Husband
According to the first Bible story that we all know, Eve was created to be with Adam and fill some sort of gap. I like to think it means, that without me, Mr O could only go so far. Wink*wink. As the saying goes, behind every successful man is a woman! So, I am cool with the first aspect of my responsibilities, to support and encourage Mr O, and I am actually OK with him and his needs coming ahead of my own. 


To show respect to your Husband
The second responsibility unique to wives is showing respect. Of course I respect Mr O. How could I marry a man that I didn't respect? But the point of my duty as a 'wife' is to show him that respect - 24/7 - even when I do trip over the (painful) Birkenstocks that he leaves in unsuspecting corners of our home! sigh...
Regardless of the situation, I should show him the utmost respect. Debbie highlights how sometimes we give our best to the outside world and our husbands get the leftovers. We are always so much more kind and patient with strangers. It is very easy to do this, but it is just not OK. Mr O is my Husband, and if anyone should be getting the best of everything I have to offer - my time, energy, love and enthusiasm, it should be him, right? 
After reading this chapter, I will certainly continue to make an extra-concerted effort to make sure that EVERYTHING I do and say to him (and behind his back, for that matter) is out of the appreciation, admiration, love and respect that I have for him as my 'Husband'. 


Now for the third 'commandment' - brace yourselves!


To be submissive to your Husband
Eugh! Why does this word make me itch! Ephesians 5:22 states:
"Wives, submit to your Husbands as to the Lord". 
It is there in black and white, yet, I have tried to dress it up, dilute it, remix it and basically try any way of wriggling out of the FACT that I must submit to Mr O, just as I should submit to Jesus. If I submit to Jesus, how can I not submit to my Husband and if I submit to my Husband, how can I not submit to Jesus. 


Like I said before, this is a hard concept for me to grasp. But I feel that taking this conscious step to wholeheartedly submit to Mr O, will help me be more submissive to Jesus - which is totally something that I want to do - and soon! I guess I better read on, to unravel the 'myths' surrounding submission. I know what images my mind conjures up when I read the word 'submission', I just know deep down that I must be wrong...well, at least I hope so...


What do you think when you hear the word 'submission'? 


Mrs O


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Wives submit to your Husbands...

I could write an essay on the topic of us Wives submitting to our Husbands, as the Bible suggests we do in Ephesians.

Being submissive is actually something that had never crossed my mind before we got married. That isn't because I have disregarded the concept, I simply haven't given it any thought before. Until now. I figured I would do my research, I just can't help myself it seems. Obviously, the main thing from my perspective is that both myself and Mr O are happy with my degree of submissiveness and we both believe that the way I conduct myself with him is pleasing to the big G.

I am very much an independent, confident, free-thinking and ever-so-slightly random woman - apparently that's why he loves me *blush* I like to think I am God-fearing and I've noticed that focusing our marriage on what has worked for generations before us, has so far set us in good stead for handling the challenges that inevitably come with being married - in the real world - where everything doesn't smell of roses and where we run through the rain, rather than stand kissing in it as they do in the movies.

I have to be honest, sometimes the Bible doesn't always make sense to me, some things appear to contradict each other and I don't yet feel comfortable to approach my pastor or Church elder with every little query I have with it. Instead, I search online - I especially like Christian blogs such as boundless  and simple marriage. I also seek out books to help me understand things better. 

Most recently, I ordered Debbie Cherry's book - The Strong Willed Wife - Using your personality to honour God and your husband [good ol amazon!]. So far, it is making for a very interesting read. I'll keep you posted as I make my way through it...and as I decide what 'submitting' to Mr O means for our marriage...

But for now, I'm still pondering... Should us Wives submit to our Husbands? If you're not married, do you plan to submit to your future husband? 

Mrs O
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The Perfect Bride

Somebody- a friend who is at the start of wedding planning (let's call her Cleopatra (why? well, why not!?!) said to me that she really wants to be the 'perfect bride' and because she fears she wont be' the perfect bride', she doesn't want to be the centre of attention for the day. I was deeply saddened by this.

I'm not suggesting for a minute that I have never used the term 'the perfect bride' and I don't for a second think that if at all this 'perfect bride' does exist, that Cleopatra could not be it - but the truth is, deep-down, just as I don't think there is such a thing as a 'the perfect wedding', I don't think that there is such a thing as  'the perfect bride'.

There I said it - I have never seen a 'perfect bride'!

Surely there is no definition of the term 'perfect bride'. If there is, then 1) Its not in my dictionary and 2) I obviously failed miserably in being 'the perfect bride'! I woke up on the morning of our wedding with a spot on my face!

My skin had been clear for MONTHS before the wedding and it certainly wasn't there the night before, when I stood in the hotel mirror grinning at myself and saying "you're getting married tomorrow - eeek! yey! wow!" But when I woke up on the 2nd January, with the spot smiling back at me, I just thought "how ironic" and laughed. After all, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it anyway! Why let it ruin my day!

So on the day, it was easy to deal with such 'impefections'. But what about the months leading up to the wedding? How do girls deal with the 'I must be the perfect bride' syndrome. I guess you either develop a formula for obtaining 'perfection' and try to stick to it or you just scrap the whole ideolgy of 'perfection' and JUST DO YOU!

So, what did I do? Well, initially, I opted for the 'develop my own formula' to ensure that I was 'the perfect bride', this looked something like:

"perfect dress + perfect hair + perfect make up + perfect skin + perfect nails = perfect bride"

How exhausting this stupid formula turned out to be. My hair wasn't growing quickly enough, I changed my mind about my dress and got a new one, I couldn't decide on 'diva' or 'natural' make-up and suddenly 'perfection' just seemed distressingly unobtainable. It made me think, what the heck is 'perfection' anyway?!

I have seriously struggled with this concept over the past year and have made a conscious choice to reject it. Seriously, whenever I feel the urge to stress about my shortcomings, imperfections or general flaws, I just say -

"I reject perfection, I embrace my imperfections and I'm just going to be the best version of 'myself' that I can be at this precise moment in time - period"

I truly believe that every woman can be the very best version of herself within her own money/time constraints. Perhaps, you don't have time for a skincare regime that involves pre-cleansing, steaming, exfoliating, washing, toning and moisurising but you probably could buy an all-in-one face wash and achieve great results. The point is that you can only do the best you can do and what others are able to do at any point in time is irrelevant. There will always be someone in a 'better' or 'worse' position than you - why use them as your barometer when you set your own!

I suppose my post really is to say, girls (and I'm talking specifically to you Cleopatra) - you are not 'perfect', neither am I, none of us are in fact and that's OK. There really is no reason to be perfect and perfection is boring anyway. Trust me! Our flaws make us who we are and our bodies will unlikely change shape just because 'our big day' is coming up. God meant to give us big hips, a jelly belly, broad shoulders, a big nose and/or one boob slightly bigger than the other! There is NOTHING we can do about these things (assuming surgery is not an option!) and there is no reason why you should obsess over these things. Actually, it's our 'flaws' that make us perfectly imperfect. You can read that as 'perfect' if you want to! : )P Of course, there is always something that you could do, no matter how big or small, to make yourself look and more importantly, feel better, but know when to stop girls! It's important that your groom recognises you on the day, right?! He fell in love and asked YOU to marry him, so its only fair that YOU are the one walking towards him on your big day.

Cleopatra thinks that no matter what I say, people will always criticise a bride. OUCH! I'd hate think that anyone criticised me, but hey apparently it's 'natural' for women to critical of other women. I just think by doing that, we become more critical of ourselves. Maybe if us girls acted a bit more like men 'taking things as we see them', then we'd be less harsh others and less critical of ourselves too.

After all, aren't be all trying to be the very best versions of ourselves that we know how to?

Surely that should be enough....

'Cleopatra', you just try to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. 'Yourself' is beautiful, intelligent, happy and smiley - lots of girls would LOVE to be you! I know you will make a stunning bride. I just pray for you to enjoy the journey as much as the destination... xx

With love,

Mrs O
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First comes wedding, then comes marriage...

So, with it being summer (apparently), it's 'wedding season'. I am hearing about them right, left and centre. Either, I am going to one, my friend is going to one, or another friend is actually taking the plunge...it's exciting stuff!


The topic of 'weddings' is no hotter than within our department at work. You see, we have a generational split going on - some colleagues are going to friends' weddings, whilst others' are helping their friends through divorces! 


Mr O and I are just starting on this journey, we made a commitment - that's that. So, officially, the word 'divorce' is not present in our mental dictionaries! But don't all newlyweds say that? Who gets married thinking 'we may get divorced!'? Nobody, I hope!


One comment that my more life-experienced colleagues made, was that a marriage can be set up for failure if the 'wedding gets bigger than the marriage'! Ouch! This notion is something that we encountered on a personal level and in honesty, at times, we had to make a conscious effort to keep our impending marriage from being overtaken by our wedding.


A few things that worked for us were:


- Constantly asking ourselves, 'will this matter in 5 years time?' 
This was possibly one of the best things that we did. This helped us to eliminate several unnecessary costs and saved us a lot of time in the process. Time that we could spend together, reconnecting and getting excited about our commitment. Certain things were important to us, other things weren't. It's a personal choice that each couple has to make, but asking this question was really helpful for us.


- Having a personalised marriage course
We did this with our Reverend. She is fantastic - through and through. We were able to discuss our personal concerns/hopes/fears about marriage and selected key Bible verses to guide us through. Of course 'love is patient, love is kind' was featured in there.


- DIYing
By sitting down and completing random tasks together it gave us 'us' time. We would sit chatting whilst making our invites and laugh whilst making sparkly gold twigs! In fact, some of the pre-marital conversations that I will always hold near to my heart, are those that we had, sitting on the floor, surrounded by pearlised card, glue mice and a guillotine! Sometimes we sat wordless - cutting and sticking, listening to music and exchanging lovey dovey eyes - how cute - how priceless. 


- Banning 'wedding talk'.
Planning a wedding can be so consuming, especially if you're a girly girl-uber-excited-bargain hunting-control freak (like me) and you're constantly talking about it! We had several 'no wedding' nights, where we couldn't mention ANYTHING wedding-related and just did 'us' and not 'bride and groom'. Again, some of the best evenings of our pre-marital time.


Sure, we put all of our efforts and a lot of our money into our wedding BUT we only did that because we wanted to have a fun day, with the people we love most and to celebrate our marriage. It's basic maths, one day does not equal forever - if only it were that easy.


One facebook friend who seems to have an understanding of this (and who incidentally planted the seeds for this post) wrote:


"If people spent at least as much time preparing for their marriage as they do the wedding day, what a difference it would make. The wedding is just one day or several days in some cases, either way, it all comes and goes like every other day, but when all is back to 'normal', there has to be true substance to sustain the marriage. For us, only God will be our unshakable foundation." 


Here's to a generation who is entering church with our eyes open!




Mrs O
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