Dr Mrs O: 'We' got my PhD!

So, a week ago or so, I was awarded my PhD. I am officially now a Doctor of Philosophy. I knew four weeks beforehand that it was on its way. I was putting the final touches to my thesis - but now its official....

I'm Dr Mrs O...

That really is my official title now - Dr Mrs. As I sit here this evening, laptop on lap, my new title could not feel any more appropriate! I have sat down a few times in the last week to write this post - but its been SO hard. This PhD has been such an emotional journey - a lot of major things have happened in my life - in my families life. Oh goodness, I'm getting choked up again! Eugh!

Anyway, like I say, it's been emotional. The reason I really wanted to write something here about getting my doctorate is because writing on here has helped me get it - especially when last year I had a crazy email response to a post I sat and wrote through tears. Heck - maybe emotion is good after all! :  )

I'm pleased that I decided to call this post by new title - Dr Mrs O, because to call this PhD mine, is totally unjust. 'My' success, this doctorate - well, it's anything but mine alone.

I'm totally choked as I type, 'cos I feel like a fraud. Fine, I wrote the PhD, fine the information is not falsified, but the thesis itself has my name on it.  I know deep down that there should be two names on it, one name is missing.

This PhD really belongs to my now-Husband. Mr O. I say now-Husband because when I started my PhD, he wasn't my 'Husband'. He was my 'boyfriend' - who lived at the time over 100 miles away. This PhD has seen us living in 6 different places between us and in 4 different cities. Even geographically, its been hectic!

I can honestly say that without my darling Husband's support and encouragement, there really is no way I could have made it through. FACT! There really just is NO WAY and I have to give a huge shout out to J.C. for bringing him into my life. Such a blessing in disguise. Mr O has been there - through thick and thin, at 2am, at 4am and again at 7am - with coffee! He has put up with my moods, my depression when a chapter of my thesis was due but I was suffering writers block, an untidy house when I'd leave said coffee cups lying around (day -after - day). He's put up with eating take-aways (day-after-day) when neither of us had time to cook; he's pretty much took sole care of Little Miss O when I was really snowed under. And that's all at the end of the PhD - when the good Lord knows that if I was sick of hearing about my PhD, so was he! Even in the early days, he was supportive. I remember one particular pub-lunch we had when he visited for the weekend and I said to him

'I'm not sure I'm clever enough to do this PhD, maybe I should just quit - I've never actually been that clever, I just work damn hard - I'm not sure I can be bothered again?!'

My Mr O was there, just like the other Mr O (Barack Obama, that is). I remember him telling me

'Yes we can!'

 - and I believed him.

My Mr O was there to wipes my tears of frustration (on innumerable occasions!), to hold me when I couldn't even speak from over-tiredness in the early hours of the morning. He was there to select and buy me a new laptop when mine was stolen just weeks before submitting my thesis.

Every step of the way. He has been there. EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY!

When we were pregnant with Little Miss O, our antenatal teacher (a doula and mother of 4!) told us that being a birth partner is SO much harder than giving birth. She explained that when you're in labour - there is so much emotion and so many hormones involved that you're delirious and not fully aware of things. She said that when you're a birth partner - everything is very real. All actions are intensified, every contraction amplified and every ounce of tiredness exaggerated. I think it's the same for PhD partners. I honestly think that this entire process has been worse for my Mr O than it has been for me. Seriously - I mean that. Like I say, I experienced all the emotion - but he had to manage  it when at times I couldn't and he had to live with it, well with me!

Before you start feeling too sorry for my Mr O, you should know that he bought himself a shiny new car last week in recognition of his success! And he deserves it!  I'm still selecting my handbag! : )

So, to my Mr O:

Baby, I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you've been my rock. Thank you. You were right, we did it! So, in future, when I write my official name as 'Dr Mrs O', I'm going to remember that its a product of our marriage, I'm going to remember our struggle. The Bible says love does not keep a record of 'wrongs', but luckily I've not read yet that love doesn't keep a record of 'rights'.

You helping me with this PhD is one 'right' that is going to save you on many many occasions to come and one that I just will never forget - 'cos I'll see a reminder of what we have achieved in black and white every single day!

Mr O, you're my rock and you rock! Fine, I know you'll call it a 'cheesy lyric', but who cares - I'm Dr Mrs O!

We did it!

x

Hallelujah!

Wow - the past 12 hours have been go-go-go!

Firstly, work was just a comedy of terribly unfunny errors, then baby girl started wheezing at nursery, we collected her and headed straight for A&E, it appears she may have asthma! : (

Baby girl stayed home with Daddy and I had to shoot back to work (gotta love a Daddy that steps up to the plate!). I was totally worried about Little Miss O (who wouldn't be) but she was home, playing with Mr O, having fun and not really understanding what that prescription on the kitchen counter meant. Mr O convinced me that this little hiccup gave them an extra half-day of daddy-daughter bonding time, and that if I stayed I would be depriving him of it!

Hmmm, so I went back to work. I did that 'compartmentalising' thing..... you know that thing you do when you feel you just HAVE to get something done, despite a gazillion other things going on at the same time....

...anyway, so I managed to get some stuff sorted at work... headed out of work, lost my swipe-card, found my swipe-card, grabbed a packet of crisps for emergency energy, ran for the bus (I wouldn't never usually, but I wanted to be there to put Little Miss O to bed), found a spare seat and started proof-reading chapter 6 of my 10 chapter thesis (whilst eating hula hoops!)...got off the bus...popped into tesco for provisions requested by Mr O - meanwhile, filling my sister and Mum in on the days hectic events

I walked the 10 minute walk from the tesco to our home, readjusting my handbag, shopping bags, file and phone as I went! I got home.... (yey!) played with and read to Little Miss O, got her ready for bed and stayed with her till she fell asleep....returned downstairs to Mr O with a headache(! - now it was his turn to need me!), searched for paracetamol, found paracetamol, returned to lounge, Mr O asleep!. So, I dried the laundry that I put in this morning before work! inhaled my dinner (lovingly prepared by Mr and Little Miss O during daddy-daughter bonding time, watched a TV programme about a Nigerian family, sent emails to the team for tomorrow (in anticipation that I will oversleep!), finished proof-reading chapter 6, checked my blogger account...started writing this post after realising that this has been one he$% of a day!

I kind of like recording days like this - because it helps me to appreciate the straight-forward and uneventful days! If ever there was a day that I was SURE that the big JC carried me through - it is today! By reciting the serenity prayer and by JC putting the right people in the right place, at the right time - all has ended well with the day.

Hallelujah!

Mrs O
x

Serenity Prayer

I'm sure we've all heard the short version of the serenity prayer in some form or other...

This is the prayer that I recite to myself sometimes...usually when I am scared, disappointed or facing some sort of life challenge. But this week, I am saying it, all day and every single day! This is the week that I plan to resubmit my thesis! Eeeek! As the prayer goes... 

God, grant me the...

Serenity to accept things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that I have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of my past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for me and my love for others and the

Strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.

I just find this such an amazing piece to keep in my head and it has comforted many people when I've shared it with them too.

Have a lovely weekend!

Mrs O

x

All will be well...by God's grace!

I have FINALLY finished a final draft of my thesis following my examiners feedback.... dun dun dun....

Thanks be to God for giving me the energy, creating the time and space for me to think through things...to enhance my thesis. Really, I should be saying thanks for the opportunity! Thank God for providing Mr O, who is ever supportive. I really couldn't wish for a better husband - Mr O - you rock!! Thank God for Little Miss O - that she always -ALWAYS brings a smile to my face..even on the the roughest of days. Thank God for my Mummy who is always there when I need her...helping with maintaining our home whilst I am busy with work/study/Liana. Mummy dearest, you're officially the best. I wish that day by day, I could grow to have your patience, grace and kind heart.

I'm pressing 'send' today on my thesis resubmission email, and I pray that God helps my examiners to understand where I am coming from, and for them to pass a favourable opinion of my thesis and let me graduate (lol)!!!! Ultimately though, I surrender this situation to the Lord Almighty...there is no point pretending it's all down to me... it isn't...

Now I'm off to spend the weekend with some of my favourite people - sorting out our house(!), playing and chilling with my beau, we may even chuck in a Disney movie...!!!

Have a great weekend!

Mrs O
x

My life is like a movie...

So, I'm still on my mission to (seriously) surrender EVERYTHING to God. Having just watched Sex and the City2 (I know, I know - I’m late!), I realised that I’m kind of like Carrie - kind of! My life is just one movie scene after the other!

You see, Carrie plays the starring role in SATC, but really her character is just a small part of something bigger.

In likening myself to Carrie, I considered that actually, Ms Bradshaw Mrs Preston, didn’t write SATC – Candace Bushell and Michael Patrick King did. Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t make Carrie’s character up, Candace did! Carrie didn’t even film it – someone else did!


Carrie is just in the middle of it all. Carrie isn’t even the only person in the movie….what about all the other strategic characters….? They’re important too right? Without them, who would Carrie lunch with? Who would she have fun with? Who would she cry to? Without the other characters, the movie would just be Carrie – talking to her laptop. So, like Carrie in SATC – in my movie life, I’m supported by a fantastic ‘cast’ – of friends, family and random strangers who seem to say or do the right thing at the right time!


Like Carrie…I’m not the only one here (duh!) I didn’t make myself and I didn’t write my life so far…and actually, I’m not really directing the future either… Sure every now and again, I’m afforded some leeway to improvise, to make it up on the spot, to do what I want to do BUT when it boils down to it, I simply am not running this show – God is.


Not the most profound analogy…but it works for me.

So now all I need is a set of practical tips for remembering that I am just Mrs O and that I am not the director! It’s such an easy thing to say, but how do you actually do that?!






Mrs O
x

Everybody wants to be my Uncle: Failure (?) no.2...reflections...

Today, I had my PhD viva - I didn't get a definite 'pass' - OUCH!

3 and a half years of research, only to be asked 'what exactly is your scientific contribution to knowledge?'.... hmmm.... it was like taking a bullet to the heart. I can still feel the burn hours later...

I defended my thesis and I was able to convince my examiners of my knowledge, of my contribution, of the fact that I hadn't wasted 3 and half years of my life and that I wasn't wasting their time at that very moment. The result was basically that my work was fantastic (toot toot), my understanding was brilliant - BUT (and it's a big BUT), my actual thesis did not demonstrate my level of understanding - apparently, I had 'undersold' my work... the irony!

Let me explain something, I am no quitter and am certainly not 'used' to dealing with failure. I have always been a borderline A/B student. I have mostly been able to tip the scale over and had pretty much secured a title as a straight A student - until today. The first thing that I ever (and I mean EVER) failed was my first driving test (I also failed my second driving test - but that's another story for another day).

So, what do you do when you feel a failure?

Do you cry? Well in this case - yes I cried (and yes, I'm not ashamed to admit to cyberspace that I cried during the actual viva!!!) - why? I'd been given an opportunity to make my write up even better? I'd been given more time to 'fix' my thesis. It was like a 'get out of jail free' card. Surely I should've been overjoyed?! Ummm - NO!  I was distraught, and I cried. I cried because I am not accustomed to disappointment. I don't 'do' disappointing people - I am the 'Golden Child' of my family, one uncle when describing me to a much loved cousin said:

'everyone wants to be her friend; everybody wants to be her boss; everybody wants to be her Uncle!'

Hilarious statement if ever I heard one! Aside from family relations, I am the superwoman amongst my friends, the 'go to person' at work. It gets to a point when people say such nice things to you, that you actually believe them! Or do you? I became a victim of my own hype?! Yet when it came to 'hyping' myself up in my thesis, I had undersold myself! sigh....goshdarnitdammit!

Alas, I am invincible!

Despite my shock and disappointment, I am pleased to have been stopped in my tracks. To be forced to re-evaluate, not my thesis per se - but re-evaluate who the h*ck is in control here? For the last 2 weeks, I had been feeling really calm about my viva, in fact, worryingly so. I almost felt as though it was all out of my hands...that it was beyond my control...so instead of re-reading my thesis, I was 'thinking' about it. But, yesterday, I lapsed, I stopped thinking and started reading - big mistake! 'Reading' fooled me into thinking that I was in control...that I was the one who would determine my viva success (or non-success as it turns out!). I thought that if I read enough then I could make sure that I would pass. Of course, whilst reading, I realised that I had not read every single document ever written by any person in the world, and naturally, I started to panic - the viva palpitations had begun... (see Sunday's facebook update!)...

Luckily, in time for my viva, I got a grip and remembered, that having prayed for guidance - it was time to surrender the viva - to God.

As if by magic, the control has been snatched from my hands...(as if I had it anyway!) and I was forced to see that 'this is God's game..not yours'. And you know what, I am so very thankful for this lesson.

The thing that saved me in this viva, was all the stuff that I had thought about and not any of the stuff that I had read about. God saved me. I think that in future, I am going to wholeheartedly and consciously surrender everything to God. Not just say it, but actually do it..and I don't mean that kind of pretending that people do and then go on stressing about things anyway...  I mean really surrendering things...and by 'things', I mean EVERYTHING.

So, everybody apparently wants to be my uncle (LOL), but the truth is, I am invincible, I am not superwoman and God is totally TOTALLY in control here - and I prefer it this way.

Thank you JC for the reminder! Now all I need to do is master some practical steps, to make sure that I remember that I am 'too blessed to be stressed'....

Any tips?

Mrs O
x