How I really got my PhD - part 3...

...a few more tips and things that helped me through my PhD.

A DEDICATED PERSON: I've alluded before to the idea of it taking a village to raise a child idea and accepting or asking for help whenever you have an inkling of needing it! Well, I also think if you can manage it, find an extra-special person to support you. I had my (amazing!) husband, but it doesn’t actually matter who it is. The person just needs to be totally in tune with you and be there for you. Someone who is a confidante. Bear in mind though, that even your No #1 go-to person can run out of energy – just like you, they are human. They need a break too. For the times when they just can’t take any more, it’s useful to have someone else – luckily I had one of these too, though I’m not sure she knows how great she was. I’ll be sure to tell her again!

A DEDICATED SPACE: Create a space that is for you. A space where you can leave your books for an hour (to rest/play/cook/clean) and where you can be sure that when you get back, they’ll still be there. Luckily, we have a 3 bedroom house, so one room is ‘our’ MY study. To an outsider its full of post-its, pin board, spidergrams, stacks of paper piled randomly, topped with books and journal articles. To me, this was the basis of my work – if anything was touched – I’d know. Even if it’s just a corner in your lounge/bedroom, try to have a small space that is yours. A space where you get into the ‘zone’ and get your geek on!

YOU time: OK, I know I just said that you should focus on your studies BUT you’ve gotta have something else too. Something that isn’t kid-related or study-related, but something that is JUST.FOR.YOU. Something that YOU enjoy. I know you might think you don’t have time – but it’s not true. You DO have time for you, you just have to adjust your timetable and take that time out. It will mean a tiny bit less time studying, or a tiny bit less time with your loved ones BUT investing in you is an investment in your family. It’s just like on a plane, they tell you to put your life jacket on first, before helping others – there’s a reason for that. So, to clarify, you need to have it – just don’t let it take over.

KNOW WHEN TO STOP: A strong woman knows when to stop. When it is all just too much or too hard – stop. Like I said, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If deep down you really really feel you need a break from your studies – take the break. If you feel you need a break from your child(ren) – take the break. Everyone will thank you and it really is OK. I know someone who took 18 months off from a 3 year course because it all got too much. She went back, finished and has two very grown and handsome sons, a PhD and has also had a fabulous career! If she can do it, so can you!

For now, I think those are about all the tips that I have re. getting through your studies/any life challenge I suppose, as a Mummy or anyone..

Mrs O

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Continuing on then with stuff that I don't want to forget and things that might help someone else in cyberspace in a similar situation - here’s my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and the benefits of problem sharing.

DON’T MAKE COMPARISONS: Quit looking at others for comparison. So what if all the people you went to school/university with are enjoying wild crazy professional lives with the disposable income to match. You keep studying – yours will come later, and by that time, your kid(s) will be grown, you’ll have more disposable income than they have now and you’ll have the maturity to know how to use it! (Or you’ll blow it all on expensive handbags – but hey, that’s your prerogative!)

You are living your life, so just do the very best with it that you can – after all, that is all everyone else is doing too. Other people’s lives only look greener from your side. Remember though, the grass is greenest where you water it! Just do the best that you can do with what you’ve got.

‘TEAM MUM’: If you want to pass, then you just have to accept help from Team Mum – they want to help you believe it or not. So, quit the denial. Yes, I know it’s hard – especially as us young Mums often think we have to prove that we can handle it all despite our age or lack of preparedness for parenting.

Trust me, you don’t have to prove anything. No one is waiting for you to fall and you’ll be happier for just saying ‘yes please’ and grabbing all help – with both hands! ‘Help’ could mean anything from your Mum having the kid(s) for a day, allowing a prolific commenter to write a guest post for your blog (Note from Young Mommy: “YES!”) or borrowing a coursemate’s book. The funny thing about help is that if every time you decline help, the ‘giver’ might think that you genuinely don’t want/need it, when in fact you’re just being stubborn/proud/in denial (delete as appropriate).

A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED: Make friends with other Mums (or Dads) at playgroup, nursery – wherever! Just as I said before, these people know what you’re going through with your kid(s). Even if they’re 35, and seem to have everything, it’s nice to see that their kids act up just as much as yours do and that your kid’s behaviour is more a result of them being kids and not a result of your hectic (fine, I’m making assumptions) parenting schedule. No parent is perfect, but sometimes you need to see other less than perfect parents to really believe it!

DON’T JUGGLE TOO MUCH: Try not to do too many things at once. Raising a child(ren) is hard enough, never mind doing it whilst trying to figure who you are and what you’re about (typically done during our teens and twenties). If you then add studying – it’s enough on one plate – don’t you think? It’s not that I believe the ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ proverb, it’s just that if you want to pass, you do need to be able to focus and the fewer distractions, the more able you will be to create a masterpiece in your studies. Creating that masterpiece will give you the leverage to do all sorts of things afterwards.

HAVING A PLAN: Make the plan and try try try to stick to it. Now, don’t feel bad if it goes awry sometimes. I always have a plan – whatever the situation. BUT, I only stick to it about 50% of the time, and still I continue to make my own little plans. Let me explain. You see, for me, the process of making a plan helps me to see all the things that I have to do. Sure, I often freak out when I see the list of ‘must-dos’ and then I pray on it. BUT, once I work out my priorities and separate them from the ‘would like to dos’, then I start having a real plan, and having that little piece of paper/napkin/bus ticket/envelope makes me feel that little bit more secure – that little bit more in control. If I fall off my plan. I don’t panic, I just make a new one. I don’t know if this is good advice really, but it’s worked for me. I am sure God has something to do with me falling off certain plans in order to get back on the right plan – his plan!

Mrs O

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Useful tips and how I really got my PhD...

Now, a few weeks ago, I wrote a post about how my Husband supported me in getting my PhD. In case you missed it click here.

So, anyway, I wrote a couple of guest posts for the lovely Tara over on the super fabulous blog 'theyoungmommylife' and thought that I should share them with 'my' readers too... It's weird saying 'my' readers, because I don't really know who you are....but I feel that I should and I'd love to! : )

I mean, who is the sort of woman (I'm just guessing, sorry guys!), who reads this here blog... who are you? Perhaps I'll save that for another post (!), but for now, here are some of my additional useful tips for getting through your courses/whatever obstacle life happens to be throwing at you...


Now, I’m no expert by any means on this topic, but as I’ve just been awarded my PhD, I am so pleased that I made it to the other side and feel now is the time to share (can I get a woop woop and an Amen?!). I know that if I don't write all these things down now, they'll get lost somewhere in my thoughts and they wont be so easy to refer back to. Also, you know how is, but when you're in a situation, half the time, you just muddle through... you don't reflect so much. For me, writing helps me reflect, but I didn't always have time to write as much as I would have liked/needed to.

I don’t really like giving ‘advice’ as such, because I think there are only 2 experts on any one person’s life – yourself and God. However, just because I couldn’t find any practical advice when I was studying, and whilst it’s all still very fresh in my mind and raw in my heart, I just felt that I had to share my tiny pearls of experience with other mummies/students/whoever.

Here's my first top tips…

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Remember that regardless of what happens with your studies, you’re learning. Even when things don’t go according to your timetable and it takes you a bit longer – you’re still learning life lessons. If it does take you a bit longer – so what?!?! You grew a baby in your belly and pushed it out dammit! If you can do that, you’ve already achieved something amazing. So amazing that lots of women with qualifications and great jobs would envy your position – really, it’s true, I work with them now! Everything else after that little person that you have made is a bonus, it really really is. If you have made more than one little person – hats off to you!

Girls, just remember that and you can keep smiling, playing, laughing, hoping and praying – you really can do anything you set your mind to, especially with God behind you. You just have to believe in yourself, know that you don’t have to do it alone and just take one day at a time. If you’re struggling, take a step back– it’s always better to come up for air when the water gets too deep!

Over the next day or two, I’m going to be sharing my ‘pearls’ of experience – so look out for my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and problem sharing tomorrow. Note that even if you're not a Mum, you might find something to take away from what I am saying. If you plan to be a Mum one day, save this info. for when it becomes relevant!!! : )

Have a blessed day!

Mrs O
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