Sunday, 13 June 2010

Loving you, loving me...

The other day I remarked on how nice and healthy a friend's relaxed hair looked! I was surprised at myself and so thought I'd 'write it out' - you know like 'talk it out' or 'cry it out' - well I like to 'write it out'. I was so confused...I thought I was 'natural' now, yet, I have no problem with other hair types or styles.

I've been so focused on how I feel about my own natural hair journey, I've never really thought about how I feel about other people's hair. I had a real think about this issue over the weekend (I like to think about all sorts of things, usually whilst driving!)... and I came to the conclusion:

'Each to their own' 

I can appreciate a relaxed girl's beauty as much as a weaved or natural girl's beauty...but I've simply made a personal choice not to use the usual relaxer brands on my own or our daughter's hair. The brazilian keratin treatment (which straightens hair without harmful chemicals) really interests me though, so does that make me a traitor to the whole 'natural hair movement'? Do I have to unsubscribe from 'naturally sexy' because I think 'unnatural girls' can be sexy too? If I wear braids, am I any less 'natural'? If I dye my afro hair blonde, does that make me any less 'natural'? The answers for me are:

'It doesn't matter' and 'who even cares!'

If I look good and I feel good and I'm not hurting anyone - why does it even matter? So what if one day I feel like wearing extensions and the next I feel like letting my TWA out...I'm still me, right? I've realised my problem with my current twists isn't the twists themselves, but the twister... enough said!

The idea of being made over is great and its fun to see yourself or someone else transformed by these so called 'beautifiers', it's just important to know that you're not any less beautiful when you don't have that stuff on - you're just different... I genuinely feel sorry for girls who feel the need to hide indoors in between hairstyles, simply to avoid revealing their real hair. We all have at least one friend who refuses to leave the house until she's got a new weave in! eeesh! I have a lot of younger women in my life (some like this), and I hope they know that they shouldn't feel any less beautiful because they don't 'perfect' all the time! Let's face it even A-list celebs don't look like that every day - and why should they? Nearly all celebs are enhanced in some way - nipped, tucked, plucked,cinched, bleached, weaved - I could go on... and that's before make-up, wardrobe, photographers and airbrushers have worked their magic on them. 


Both images from fanpop.

I suppose some Black women are outraged by terms like 'good hair' and 'nappy' but when you think about it, these days, everyone wants to be like everyone else anyway and there are lots of words outside of hair that are used in a derogatory way! Have you ever heard anyone referred to as 'pasty' or 'blick' - surely it's the same thing? Whether it's hair, skin, face or hips! I guess its just a by-product of everyone moving around, and actually meeting people of other shapes, sizes and colours... Some people have laser hair removal, some people want bigger lips, bums, breasts - some even want bigger eyelid folds! Some people want to be darker and some people want to be lighter and some  want to change the texture and length of their hair. So, for me 'good hair' is just an example of our obsession with what 'beauty' means. 

I've been loved up with 'me' and (Mr O) for years now, but seriously, it's only this weekend that I've really thought about what this means!!! Now, call me slow, but I've realised, literally overnight, that whilst beauty is fun and fabulous, it's also about being true to oneself...knowing oneself, educating oneself and feeling comfortable in oneself... essentially loving oneself as much as we love our kids, our Mums, and as much as God loves us! 

I really hope to raise a daughter who is completely and utterly IN LOVE with the masterpiece that God has created in her - not in an arrogant way, but in such a way that thoughtless phrase such as 'good hair' could ever shake her! This has been on my agenda for some time now but it's TOTALLY going to be raised to the top of my agenda this week month year!

Mrs O


  1. I love my afro hair too.. although sometimes when I wake up and I cant get a comb through... I want to scream! One of my non-African male friend's was like he doesn't like it as much as my long hair extensions...Lol. Well each to their own! I love it, if i wanna switch, I can dye or twist or braid... its still Au Naturelle!

  2. Go you! How amazing is it to feel fabulous regardless of your hairstyle?! Harness it and share it with your girlfriends - it's a really powerful tool! : )

  3. You look amazing in all of your different hairstyles! I never internalized that whole "good hair, bad hair" thing. For me, hair is an accessory, like a purse and shoes. My co workers do not know who is going to show up from day to day - today a wig, tomorrow natural twists, etc. I want my girls to embrace their own style.


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