From Housewife to Commuter Mum!

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was off work for a bit. I was in between jobs and absolutely LOVED being home with baby girl....fast forward a few weeks and I'm slap bang at the start of my new job.

I have been on the receiving end of: 

'you have child, I didn’t know that... and you commute! But, you’re so on top of things and so well put together!’

It was a back-handed compliment - I think. I just don't believe that because I’m a Mum and I do a parental ‘shift’ every day before and after work, I have a license to resemble a disheveled wreck! Not so - it doesn’t have to be that way, surely?!

I’m no expert on yummy mummy-ness (by a loooong stretch) but I do have a few pearls that I can pass on that help me keep the balls in the air! Lord knows I have struggled with this before - so this time around, I was determined to have a very organised approach..

First set of tips are to do with what I affectionately call ‘The Mummy Shift’..here’s what I did:

The Mummy Shift

- found great daycare for baby girl and started phasing her back into full-time nursery 4 weeks prior to me starting work. This means that we don't have any 'clingyness' when I have to run and jump in the car and she is excited to go there everyday. This makes leaving her for the day much much easier on me. Little Miss O is not phased at all by being a full-timer again and tells me herself ' I like 'girls time', but I prefer nursery' - can you spell s.o.c.i.a.l.i.t.e - and which 3 year old do you know that says 'prefer'. This my child cracks me up! Love her.

- also organised fantastic and reliable back-up daycare and after-daycare emergency relief for those inevitable times when I'm either stuck in the office or there's a problem on the road etc... you can just never have enough back-up! The day I am stuck is not the day I want to start stressing about my child's care! I have a childminder who lives 300m from the nursery and is on all call 5 days a week. I also have a standby no2 who lives 400m from the nursery. You just can’t buy peace of mind.

- cook for the week on Sunday. My Mum used to do this on Saturdays and this is something that I did during my last job and have continued so far. It's important to me that we eat healthy, balanced meals (well at least more often than not!), and I like cooking. So, I pop a dish or two in the freezer and one in the fridge and that lasts fine for Monday - Thursday. Literally, a couple of minutes to warm up the food, perhaps boil potatoes/pasta and within 15 minutes of getting home, dinner is served on the table. Et Voila! Friday is free for all in our house - take-away, dinner out when £££ permits, left-overs whatever - at that point, the weekend is in sight and I become a different, far less organised version of myself! Eat whatever, stay up late - whatever. In fact, I actively encourage Little Miss O to stay up and play on Friday and Saturday nights; this means lie ins for us in the morning!

- night duty: Pack all bags at night and leave EVERYTHING by the door - but not blocking a escape route in case of fire etc!! No more running around like a nutter looking for my file/baby girls scarf etc in the morning.. I just collect everything that is by the door and we’re off.

So far so good... things are falling into line...it’s happy days. Baby girl and I are up and ready and we usually get snuggle/TV/story/play time before we head out for nursery and the same again in the evening after dinner...

Next up ‘The London Commute!’

Things to consider BEFORE starting a family (Part 3 - Working Motherhood)

Part Three of my mini-feature on 'things to consider BEFORE starting a family'...(apologies for the time gaps between these posts - Mummy duties called!). So, last time, I posted about being a Stay-at-Home Mum, and this time I thought I'd add a bit about being a Working Mum... are you ready? First off - I have got to reiterate that I think being a Stay-at-Home Mum is work in itself, but I'm talking about the kind of work that you can't take your kiddie to.


Are you ready to be a ‘Working Mum’? This is my take on working motherhood...correct me if I am wrong, or tell me if its much easier for you, cos a job-change is never out of the question! : )

From what I understand of working motherhood, if you work full-time, you'll have half a million things to do before arriving to an intray full of 'must dos'; you'll complete those ‘must dos’ whilst thinking about the other half a million things you need to do when you get home. If you work 'part-time', you'll end up doing the same work with less time and with less pay - FACT! (OK, I don't know if it's a ‘fact’, but it's my observation - and I'm mighty observant!)... : )

Onto Daycare fees. 

If you do want/need to return to work within 4-5 years of your child's birth, are you prepared for daycare fees? If you are planning close age gaps (again, that's another post in itself!), are you prepared for doubling or tripling the fee cost? Do you know someone who can look after your child for you for free - like a Grandparent or someone who lives locally?

The cost of daycare was something that shock-horrored us to the core back in 2008. We were so focussed on 'the pregnancy' and what kind of 'parents' we wanted to be that we didn't really have time to think about the practicalities... naive – yes! With average full-time daycare costing between £600-£1000 per month, it's a good idea to think about these costs beforehand. Can you afford such fees? Do you want to pay such fees? I know a young mummy of 2 who said to me 'there's no point in going to work for less than double what you pay for childcare'. Of course it depends how much going to work is 'worth' to you, but that was a really good starting point for me.

Of course there are also waiting lists for the highly sought after nurseries to think about! 2 year waiting lists - what do the kids play with? Gold bars?

Anyway, these are just a few more things to think about BEFORE starting a family.

I think I'm gonna keep these posts to show Little Miss O in about 10+ years time! : )

Career vs. Motherhood vs Marriage minus the Mulberry!

'a woman can be married, with children and have a career, but she can only do two out of the three well'.


Years ago, I didn't do much with this info. but I sure did remember it. Now that I'm a married mother, who has a career, I see a lot of truth in that statement. Not that I agree with it, but I can totally understand it better now. 
I was reminded of this idea this week. I met a couple of mums at a work related training course. One of the ladies (in her 40s, with 2 boys) confessed that she feels like she is juggling all the balls in the air and that she's scared that they're going to come crashing down all around her.                
                                                                  

She explained to us 'younger mums' that she is tired of trying so hard. Ouch! I completely empathised with her. There have certainly been times where I have felt that way. But this woman, on first impressions made me think 'wow, check her out with her mahoosive mulberry bag - love her!' (I know it was real as I could smell the cow as soon as she walked into the room!). This woman seemed so poised, so well put-together, so in control - but through the course of the day, I realised that she too was winging it, day by day (and she wasn't happy about it!). I should have known better really, after all, I used to be her, minus the Mulberry! A year later, I feel like a completely different person, still winging it - but now I'm happy to be winging it! : ) It is so much easier!

Whilst I still know what my priorities are, I am determined to be a good wife, a good mother and have a fulfilling career! Call me super-woman, or call me crazy but I honestly think I am pulling it off. I think anyone can. The secret lies in having your own definitions of what a 'good' mother is, what a 'good' wife is and what it means to have a 'good' career. My success in this 'happy to wing it' attitude has come from doing things my own way and not feeling the need to keep up with the Jones', the yummiest mummy at daycare or the person who works every waking hour of the day. 

Having my own definitions and raising my own tolerance for imperfection has helped me to beyond measure! I feel like I should write a book on it! Seriously, I am so less frazzled than I was a year ago - and whenever I hear another Mum say that its all getting too much, I just want to shake them (then cuddle them) and show them a technique that may just work. Heck, it could work for anyone who feels like they're juggling too much - Mummy or not, woman or not....


Reminding myself that I don't have to be perfect all day, every day is something that I have consciously  had to do this year and slowly but surely, I'm internalising it. And guess what (?) - it feels AMAZING! Mr O is happy, Little Miss O is happy and work-wise, things are going well... I'm very nearly done with my PhD corrections..woo hoo, it's happy days!!!


Of course, Mr O's fabulousness contributes to my being able to juggle these things...but this week, I feel like I owe myself a special shout-out (big-headed, I know, but sometimes you just gotta toot your own horn!).

In the past week, I have successfully balanced bible study time (thanks to my trusty iphone), work, a training course, a sick kid, a sick husband, a teleconference whilst on my own sick day, cooked 5 dinners, did two major house clean ups, hopped on and off 4 buses, (finally) named my theoretical model (phd stuff), submitted a revised chapter of my phd, obtained a CRB disclosure (woo hoo!), had a catch up with a friend, had a girly night out, laughed at the apprentice and ugly betty and now I've found a few minutes to update this here blog!

I feel like I've achieved a lot this week (thanks to JC) and I am one happy bunny! So, toot toot and yey for me! 


Have a great weekend!
Mrs O

x