Little Miss O says the funniest things...I love your nose!

Me: I love your nose

Little Miss O: Is it soft?

Me: Yes!

Little Miss O: Has it goooooht bogeys?

Me: No!

Little Miss O: Has it gooooooht SNOT!?

Me: No!

Little Miss O: (completely bemused!): Oh...

She's such a character! Why she thinks I would love her nose because of (rather than in spite of) bogeys and snot is beyond me?!

From Housewife to Commuter Mum!

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was off work for a bit. I was in between jobs and absolutely LOVED being home with baby girl....fast forward a few weeks and I'm slap bang at the start of my new job.

I have been on the receiving end of: 

'you have child, I didn’t know that... and you commute! But, you’re so on top of things and so well put together!’

It was a back-handed compliment - I think. I just don't believe that because I’m a Mum and I do a parental ‘shift’ every day before and after work, I have a license to resemble a disheveled wreck! Not so - it doesn’t have to be that way, surely?!

I’m no expert on yummy mummy-ness (by a loooong stretch) but I do have a few pearls that I can pass on that help me keep the balls in the air! Lord knows I have struggled with this before - so this time around, I was determined to have a very organised approach..

First set of tips are to do with what I affectionately call ‘The Mummy Shift’..here’s what I did:

The Mummy Shift

- found great daycare for baby girl and started phasing her back into full-time nursery 4 weeks prior to me starting work. This means that we don't have any 'clingyness' when I have to run and jump in the car and she is excited to go there everyday. This makes leaving her for the day much much easier on me. Little Miss O is not phased at all by being a full-timer again and tells me herself ' I like 'girls time', but I prefer nursery' - can you spell s.o.c.i.a.l.i.t.e - and which 3 year old do you know that says 'prefer'. This my child cracks me up! Love her.

- also organised fantastic and reliable back-up daycare and after-daycare emergency relief for those inevitable times when I'm either stuck in the office or there's a problem on the road etc... you can just never have enough back-up! The day I am stuck is not the day I want to start stressing about my child's care! I have a childminder who lives 300m from the nursery and is on all call 5 days a week. I also have a standby no2 who lives 400m from the nursery. You just can’t buy peace of mind.

- cook for the week on Sunday. My Mum used to do this on Saturdays and this is something that I did during my last job and have continued so far. It's important to me that we eat healthy, balanced meals (well at least more often than not!), and I like cooking. So, I pop a dish or two in the freezer and one in the fridge and that lasts fine for Monday - Thursday. Literally, a couple of minutes to warm up the food, perhaps boil potatoes/pasta and within 15 minutes of getting home, dinner is served on the table. Et Voila! Friday is free for all in our house - take-away, dinner out when £££ permits, left-overs whatever - at that point, the weekend is in sight and I become a different, far less organised version of myself! Eat whatever, stay up late - whatever. In fact, I actively encourage Little Miss O to stay up and play on Friday and Saturday nights; this means lie ins for us in the morning!

- night duty: Pack all bags at night and leave EVERYTHING by the door - but not blocking a escape route in case of fire etc!! No more running around like a nutter looking for my file/baby girls scarf etc in the morning.. I just collect everything that is by the door and we’re off.

So far so good... things are falling into line...it’s happy days. Baby girl and I are up and ready and we usually get snuggle/TV/story/play time before we head out for nursery and the same again in the evening after dinner...

Next up ‘The London Commute!’

Hair Inspiration: For Mothers and Daughters

I'm not sure where I stumbled across this photo but I loved it enough to save it... It makes me think of Little Miss O and I in 2 years perhaps... Now that would be some impressive hair growth on my part... better get working on it!

'If you don't shower, mushrooms will grow on your body!' and other stories...

Ok ok- that's not entirely true (at all), but that's what Little Miss O thinks. You see, sometimes I make up stories to explain why she should or shouldn't do certain things...and since the girl doesn't like mushrooms, this little tale of mine has proven quite enough to put a stop to the 'but I don't wanna have a shower now Mummy' tantrums that I hear all kids pull at some point or other!

On the topic of stories, I have a confession...and this is probably an awful thing to admit from someone who loves to write, BUT I was never much into reading as a child. The thought of sitting down, quietly with a 'novel' pretty much filled me with dread - bleugh! I just didn't 'get' the meaning behind the stories - the stories that seemed to take forever to get to the point, the stories that seemed to bear no resemblance to my own life, thoughts or ambitions. In fact, the only book that I really engaged me as a child was 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret' by Judy Blume'! I was also enjoyed 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory', but that was because of the chocolate (!)... and if anyone asks, Roald Dahl himself is to blame for my undeniable chocoholic-ism!


Are You There God? It's Me Margaret.

It is fair to say that pre-1995, I just wasn't interested in the written word. That is until I accompanied a friend and her parents to watch an open air performance of a Shakespeare play. Now, I can't remember whether it was Othello or The Taming of the Shrew, but I can remember that there was a character called 'Bianca' in it! I was only 10 years old, and it only cost £3.50 (which seemed like a lot of money  then), but I was fascinated. It was my first play, my first open-air play, and my first experience of 'live' art. I relished just being in the atmosphere and although I didn't understand the language of the performance, I finally 'got it'...I 'got' literature...the words came alive and I understood.

From there, most of literary experiences formed part of my studies, but on the sly, I fell in love with Shakespeare. Over the years, I've also found a few authors of fiction that I can really enjoy - Paulo Coelho and Alice Seabold are up there and of course there are my favourite poets Alice Walker and Maya Angelou. I love reading about love, life and what I call 'real stuff'. I have dozens of little books of quotes that I enjoy dipping in and out of. Actually, that's probably why I enjoy reading other people's blogs so much. I like things that I can relate to, things that I can 'get'...

But what about Little Miss O...well, despite only being 3 feet tall, she is quite the opposite of me in terms of her early years love of books! She absolutely adores being read to and would read 100 books in a row if I let her. She needs no encouragement whatsoever, in fact more often than not, it's me who is begging to go to bed! Baby girl knows the words from many of her favourite stories off by heart and corrects me if I mis-read something. I usually do different voices for the different characters and if I mix up the voices, she's the first to snigger and tell me:

'no, that's not his voice Mummy!'

[sometimes I deliberately mix up the voices, just to hear her cute post-toddler giggle]

Through Little Miss O, I have found a new love for reading and actually, I'm not so bad at making up alternative endings myself. I also love it when she holds up one finger and asks me for:

'just one more story Mummy, a really magical one, just from you - you don't even need to read it from a book!!'

No pressure then! I'm J.K Rowling you know! Still, I always try and baby girl seems to think I can 'make' magic which is kind of sweet really...

Anyway, today on the radio 4, I learnt that it is World Book Day on 1st March and I'm really excited (I still surprise myself by choosing this station sometimes!). I'm even thinking about entering the Storytelling Superstars Competition... you just have to upload a video of yourself (or whoever) reading a kid's story... simple, right?

Now, all I have to do is decide which story to read and how I'll make it 'magical'. I am sure Little Miss O will be full of ideas..!

What is/was your favourite book?

If you show me how, then I can do it too!

When did Little Miss O get so smart?!

Seriously, we were playing with her toys and then she caught a glimpse of our Scrabble board game (this was my fave game growing up and it was mine and my Dad's 'thing').

Me: That one's for grown ups darling.
Little Miss O: But if you show me how, then I can do it too!
Me: [puzzled! How could she play scrabble if she can't read?!...or am I restricting her growth here...shouldn't I be nurturing her interests, why was I setting a barrier?!]
Me: Ok then, first of all you put all the letters in the bag, shake them and then take 7 tiles and put them on your rack.

In saying this to her I realised, I have already taught her the words 'tile' and 'rack'. I've never heard her say these before. She then mistakenly counted out 8 tiles.

Me: Ok sweetie, count them again, that's 8 tiles you have there. If you put one tile back in the bag then you'll have 7 which is the right number"
[Ummm is this her first lesson in subtraction; I hated maths at school, but she was loving 'playing scrabble' this way!]

We then turned all the tiles up the right way - you know with the point number in the bottom corner.
[Ummm, is this not an easy way to get her to recognise letters the correct way up?!]

Then we started looking for the letters of her name (which she knows) and spelling all of her names out on the scrabble board.

Little Miss O was actually loving it! She felt like she was 'playing' the game as she was putting pieces on the board. I asked her what some of the letters were...and not only did she know them but she told me some names that begin with that letter!

"that's 'T' that sounds like 'Tuh' for Thomas...that's 'curly 'C' that sound like 'Cuh' for Catherine..!"

Ummmm... seriously! When did my child get so smart?! She's 3 and a half and every day I ask what she did at nursery and she tells me 'I played'. She gives me this look as if to say 'what do you think I was doing Mummy, working?!'.. I know she like a sponge at the moment and she's taking it all in. It's just that, at the moment, it seems so very blatant lately that she is learning something in everything she does

...how dare I refuse to nurture her interest in words and reading (well 'playing' to her) by saying 'scrabble is for grown ups'! eish! I'm the first to encourage her to do things that I think she is physically capable of - it was my idea to take her ice-skating (at age tiny!), help her collect 'nature' from a lake, but when it comes to mental capabilities, I think I underestimate just how far she can go. My bad?!

Once again, Little Miss O has taught me something! There is an opportunity for her to learn in everything she does and without her even realising. Score! I suppose this is my job. I actually can't wait for the rest of the things she'll end up teaching me in the future!

If you have little one's how far do you let them do 'grown up' things?

Mrs O
x

Little Miss O says the funniest things...about poo and willies! : \

So, yesterday was Mother's Day here in the UK and Little Miss O and her Daddy took me to the farm - an ice-cream farm! It really was such a lovely way to spend the day...really!


This was Little Miss O's first trip to a real 'working' farm, where she got to see the cows being milked and even have a go with a 'pretend' cow. She loved seeing the pigs sleeping in their own doo doo (I think I am giving up pork as a result of this guys!).. she also loved seeing the miniature horses and stroking the fluffy sheep! I even plucked up the courage to touch the animals - errrrr the things you do to teach your kids eh!



Pigs at Cheshire ice-cream farm

Anyhoo, onto the funny part - when one of the cows had finished being milked, she (the cow) started walking away with her (cow) pals. Then suddenly, milk started to leak from her mahoosive udder. Cue Little Miss O, shrieking with excitement:


"ooooh, THAT's a big willy! Look, he's wee'd himself!"


Again guys, can you spell mortified! The whole crowd (and there were LOTS of kids, parents, Grandparents to witness the scene) burst out laughing! I shrunk, and then once I had recovered from the initial horror (!), I decided to educate my child. I explained that 1) its a female (Mummy cow), because only 'Mummy cows' have milk; 2) as she is a 'Mummy cow', she doesn't have a 'willy' but has 'udders' which are just like (and I used this loosely!) Mummy's breasts; 3) the cow wasn't 'weeing herself', but her milk has just leaked...


She seemed to understand the female/male issue but still looked concerned that the cow did not use the toilet for her 'wee'... I mean, even Little Miss O understands that you should not 'wee' on the floor...


This incident, coupled with Little Miss O complaining every 5 minutes that 'it STINKS here', 'it smells of poo poo Mummy, yuck!' made me SO happy that we took her. Let me tell you, we are NOT 'farm people', we are very much urbanites - and happy with this BUT we want Little Miss O to have experiences - we want her to know that the 'poo' smell is manure and cow pats! We want her to be knowledgeable - even if that means spending the day at the farm! For us, a farm that makes ice-cream (that was near orgasmic, I have to add) was the perfect day out for us...and an easy way to ease us into the outdoors. We're looking forward to doing more things like this with Little Miss O...not just on obligatory holidays, but regularly...


Happy Belated Mother's Day


Mrs O
x

How I really got my PhD - part 3...

...a few more tips and things that helped me through my PhD.

A DEDICATED PERSON: I've alluded before to the idea of it taking a village to raise a child idea and accepting or asking for help whenever you have an inkling of needing it! Well, I also think if you can manage it, find an extra-special person to support you. I had my (amazing!) husband, but it doesn’t actually matter who it is. The person just needs to be totally in tune with you and be there for you. Someone who is a confidante. Bear in mind though, that even your No #1 go-to person can run out of energy – just like you, they are human. They need a break too. For the times when they just can’t take any more, it’s useful to have someone else – luckily I had one of these too, though I’m not sure she knows how great she was. I’ll be sure to tell her again!

A DEDICATED SPACE: Create a space that is for you. A space where you can leave your books for an hour (to rest/play/cook/clean) and where you can be sure that when you get back, they’ll still be there. Luckily, we have a 3 bedroom house, so one room is ‘our’ MY study. To an outsider its full of post-its, pin board, spidergrams, stacks of paper piled randomly, topped with books and journal articles. To me, this was the basis of my work – if anything was touched – I’d know. Even if it’s just a corner in your lounge/bedroom, try to have a small space that is yours. A space where you get into the ‘zone’ and get your geek on!

YOU time: OK, I know I just said that you should focus on your studies BUT you’ve gotta have something else too. Something that isn’t kid-related or study-related, but something that is JUST.FOR.YOU. Something that YOU enjoy. I know you might think you don’t have time – but it’s not true. You DO have time for you, you just have to adjust your timetable and take that time out. It will mean a tiny bit less time studying, or a tiny bit less time with your loved ones BUT investing in you is an investment in your family. It’s just like on a plane, they tell you to put your life jacket on first, before helping others – there’s a reason for that. So, to clarify, you need to have it – just don’t let it take over.

KNOW WHEN TO STOP: A strong woman knows when to stop. When it is all just too much or too hard – stop. Like I said, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If deep down you really really feel you need a break from your studies – take the break. If you feel you need a break from your child(ren) – take the break. Everyone will thank you and it really is OK. I know someone who took 18 months off from a 3 year course because it all got too much. She went back, finished and has two very grown and handsome sons, a PhD and has also had a fabulous career! If she can do it, so can you!

For now, I think those are about all the tips that I have re. getting through your studies/any life challenge I suppose, as a Mummy or anyone..

Mrs O

x

Continuing on then with stuff that I don't want to forget and things that might help someone else in cyberspace in a similar situation - here’s my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and the benefits of problem sharing.

DON’T MAKE COMPARISONS: Quit looking at others for comparison. So what if all the people you went to school/university with are enjoying wild crazy professional lives with the disposable income to match. You keep studying – yours will come later, and by that time, your kid(s) will be grown, you’ll have more disposable income than they have now and you’ll have the maturity to know how to use it! (Or you’ll blow it all on expensive handbags – but hey, that’s your prerogative!)

You are living your life, so just do the very best with it that you can – after all, that is all everyone else is doing too. Other people’s lives only look greener from your side. Remember though, the grass is greenest where you water it! Just do the best that you can do with what you’ve got.

‘TEAM MUM’: If you want to pass, then you just have to accept help from Team Mum – they want to help you believe it or not. So, quit the denial. Yes, I know it’s hard – especially as us young Mums often think we have to prove that we can handle it all despite our age or lack of preparedness for parenting.

Trust me, you don’t have to prove anything. No one is waiting for you to fall and you’ll be happier for just saying ‘yes please’ and grabbing all help – with both hands! ‘Help’ could mean anything from your Mum having the kid(s) for a day, allowing a prolific commenter to write a guest post for your blog (Note from Young Mommy: “YES!”) or borrowing a coursemate’s book. The funny thing about help is that if every time you decline help, the ‘giver’ might think that you genuinely don’t want/need it, when in fact you’re just being stubborn/proud/in denial (delete as appropriate).

A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED: Make friends with other Mums (or Dads) at playgroup, nursery – wherever! Just as I said before, these people know what you’re going through with your kid(s). Even if they’re 35, and seem to have everything, it’s nice to see that their kids act up just as much as yours do and that your kid’s behaviour is more a result of them being kids and not a result of your hectic (fine, I’m making assumptions) parenting schedule. No parent is perfect, but sometimes you need to see other less than perfect parents to really believe it!

DON’T JUGGLE TOO MUCH: Try not to do too many things at once. Raising a child(ren) is hard enough, never mind doing it whilst trying to figure who you are and what you’re about (typically done during our teens and twenties). If you then add studying – it’s enough on one plate – don’t you think? It’s not that I believe the ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ proverb, it’s just that if you want to pass, you do need to be able to focus and the fewer distractions, the more able you will be to create a masterpiece in your studies. Creating that masterpiece will give you the leverage to do all sorts of things afterwards.

HAVING A PLAN: Make the plan and try try try to stick to it. Now, don’t feel bad if it goes awry sometimes. I always have a plan – whatever the situation. BUT, I only stick to it about 50% of the time, and still I continue to make my own little plans. Let me explain. You see, for me, the process of making a plan helps me to see all the things that I have to do. Sure, I often freak out when I see the list of ‘must-dos’ and then I pray on it. BUT, once I work out my priorities and separate them from the ‘would like to dos’, then I start having a real plan, and having that little piece of paper/napkin/bus ticket/envelope makes me feel that little bit more secure – that little bit more in control. If I fall off my plan. I don’t panic, I just make a new one. I don’t know if this is good advice really, but it’s worked for me. I am sure God has something to do with me falling off certain plans in order to get back on the right plan – his plan!

Mrs O

x

Useful tips and how I really got my PhD...

Now, a few weeks ago, I wrote a post about how my Husband supported me in getting my PhD. In case you missed it click here.

So, anyway, I wrote a couple of guest posts for the lovely Tara over on the super fabulous blog 'theyoungmommylife' and thought that I should share them with 'my' readers too... It's weird saying 'my' readers, because I don't really know who you are....but I feel that I should and I'd love to! : )

I mean, who is the sort of woman (I'm just guessing, sorry guys!), who reads this here blog... who are you? Perhaps I'll save that for another post (!), but for now, here are some of my additional useful tips for getting through your courses/whatever obstacle life happens to be throwing at you...


Now, I’m no expert by any means on this topic, but as I’ve just been awarded my PhD, I am so pleased that I made it to the other side and feel now is the time to share (can I get a woop woop and an Amen?!). I know that if I don't write all these things down now, they'll get lost somewhere in my thoughts and they wont be so easy to refer back to. Also, you know how is, but when you're in a situation, half the time, you just muddle through... you don't reflect so much. For me, writing helps me reflect, but I didn't always have time to write as much as I would have liked/needed to.

I don’t really like giving ‘advice’ as such, because I think there are only 2 experts on any one person’s life – yourself and God. However, just because I couldn’t find any practical advice when I was studying, and whilst it’s all still very fresh in my mind and raw in my heart, I just felt that I had to share my tiny pearls of experience with other mummies/students/whoever.

Here's my first top tips…

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Remember that regardless of what happens with your studies, you’re learning. Even when things don’t go according to your timetable and it takes you a bit longer – you’re still learning life lessons. If it does take you a bit longer – so what?!?! You grew a baby in your belly and pushed it out dammit! If you can do that, you’ve already achieved something amazing. So amazing that lots of women with qualifications and great jobs would envy your position – really, it’s true, I work with them now! Everything else after that little person that you have made is a bonus, it really really is. If you have made more than one little person – hats off to you!

Girls, just remember that and you can keep smiling, playing, laughing, hoping and praying – you really can do anything you set your mind to, especially with God behind you. You just have to believe in yourself, know that you don’t have to do it alone and just take one day at a time. If you’re struggling, take a step back– it’s always better to come up for air when the water gets too deep!

Over the next day or two, I’m going to be sharing my ‘pearls’ of experience – so look out for my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and problem sharing tomorrow. Note that even if you're not a Mum, you might find something to take away from what I am saying. If you plan to be a Mum one day, save this info. for when it becomes relevant!!! : )

Have a blessed day!

Mrs O
x

Interesting quote...

I stumbled across this quote today by Robert Fulghum:


Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.


This says so much and makes me feel a little better when Little Miss O ignores me outright! : ) Now, to pay more attention to what she sees me do and the way that I behave...




Mrs O
x

Breast-feeding in the US and in Ghana

Those interested in Michelle Obama, US politics, or breastfeeding in general (I'm guessing that'll be Mum-folk) will know that Michelle Obama is calling for barriers to women nursing at work to be removed. Heck, she even took Sasha to a job interview, so that if she needed to be breastfed, she would be right there with her!


This - I love!


Skipping from the US to Ghana...but sticking with the issue of breastfeeding..there appeared to be some real benefits for Mums who take their children to work with them - on their backs I mean. I've no idea what happens with women who don't carry their kids this way. 

I've not included a picture of a baby, or a breast, or even a breast-feeding woman here because I'm sure we can use our imaginations... : )

Anyway, a working Mum that I met, was sitting by the roadside selling roasted plantain. We were at a busy bank across the road and I spotted the plantain and thought 'I need some of that!'. She prepared two pieces for me, and get this - she was breastfeeding at the same time! When we went to hand me my change, her breast slipped from the baby's mouth and before giving me the change, she placed her breast straight back in her baby's mouth and continued - as though it was perfectly normal. I asked our hosts about this. I wondered if she was just a bold woman or if in fact in Ghana it was perfectly normal to do that if you work with your child. I was told

'If the child needs to eat, what should come before that?'

Now I don't know if this was the opinion of our host or if its more widespread than that BUT I know one thing - I liked that idea.

'If the child needs to eat, what should come before that?'. It has such a sweet ring to it, I wish I could bottle it and just give it out as a freebie!

It also got me thinking of how I used to cover up with a muslin cloth, or wear a special blouse, so that I could discretely breastfeed. I'm sure that even though I didn't make a song and dance about it - pretty much anyone within 2 metres of me would have known that I was breast-feeding. And, even with the cover-ups, I still wouldn't have felt comfortable to sit at the side of the road, opposite a major bank, with constant flows of traffic and just flip out my breast like that - much less with a complete stranger standing in my face.

At home, depending on who was visiting that day (and you just can't underestimate the flow of visitors when you have a baby!), I sometimes 'excused myself' to another room - all to avoid having to get my mahoosive jugglies out in front of people who I didn't think needed to be seeing my jugglies! I was worried about embarassing them! I myself wasn't that embarassed about the issue. 

I'm not entirely sure why I was so affected by this random incident, and it's not as though I've never seen anyone breastfeed in a public place before, it's just that she was doing it as though it was THE most natural thing in the world. And you know what - it probably was one of THE most natural things in the world - and it was simply beautiful.

Mrs O

x

The Ghanaian Working Mum - through my eyes...

On cruising the warm streets of Accra in our air conditioned, less than a year old car, I was extremely comfortable and could have been anywhere in the world. So, I decided to sit back and watch. I was watching EVERYTHING, like a child..asking questions, trying to understand...essentially being an undercover, unpaid, anthropologist... I was observing.


One thing that struck me was the two kinds of working Mum that I observed. They were worlds apart but living right next to one another...


The majority of working Mums that I noticed were selling various goods by the roadside or in markets. They carried on their heads everything from bags of water and meat pies, to socks and wooden artefacts. They worked enthusiastically under the scorching midday sun, often near another working Mum, chatting and laughing as they tried to sell their items. 


How did I know they were working Mums? 


It was easy, they had their kids strapped to their backs, like this:

Fine, these women may have been looking after other people's babies, but that would be a lot of childminders carrying kids on their backs. From a few women that I spoke to, these little kids were clearly their own. I had warm memories when I saw these woman, and reminisced about 'carrying' my dolls on my back as a young child. I used to play 'African girl' and carry a laundry basket with a few socks in it on top of my head. I'd use a scarf to tie the dolls to my back and would parade up and down the house. This was me playing 'house' I guess. It was so humbling to see grown women doing the same - except they weren't playing.


At one point, I saw a woman with a HUGE bowl on her head, and a little girl on her back. She also had 2 other smalls child walking with her. She saw the tro-tro (like a bus - except you really wouldn't want to ride it) and started to run - with the bowl balanced on her head and the little girl slipping from her back. I watched eagerly, just waiting to see if she'd catch the tro-tro, and how she'd hustle 3 kids onto what was already a jam packed ride. 


She caught the tro-tro, she caught the little girl before she slipped, swung her onto the ground, handed the bowl from her head to the 'mate' (that's like the conductor) and she jumped onto the tro-tro. All three of the kids followed her. 


I wondered if she was going home, or to another spot to sell or what. Like I said, I was very curious about everything I saw... : ) I wondered if what I saw was a typical occurrence? Was it an unusual thing that I saw?


Either way, I was impressed. I made a little note of the incident (the bones for this post) and I plan to keep a mental note of this, so that on days when I find being a working Mum difficult, I can remind myself that if that lady and her 3 kids could catch the tro-tro, I sure can meet the challenges that I faced too.


So what about the other type of working Mum?


The other type was the high-society working Mum, who doesn't need to bathe her child if she doesn't want to (there is home-help for this). This working Mum doesn't have to cook, clean or drive their child to nursery (again, there is home-help for this). The only time that this kind of Mum has to spend with her child is 'quality time' - seeing sites, going on trips, playing etc. All the home-related tasks are taken care of for her. All her energy goes into working and whatever spark of energy is left is for playing with her child - she doesn't have to split her non-working time between her child and chores.  


I was as shocked by this experience as I was the last one... of course there are times when I would LOVE home-help! I mean, I would LOVE to have someone else plan meals and cook, so that when I get home from work, I can devote all my time to just playing with Little Miss O....I would love it if I could go to bed and the plates wash themselves...if the clothes would wash themselves. Now, call me selfish but I wouldn't want to share so much of my child with someone else. I want to be the one to kiss the boo boos, I want to be the one to read bedtime stories. In fact Mr O and I fight over who gets to collect Little Miss O from nursery and see her big grin when we arrive. These things I love.


Seeing these two completely contrasting versions of 'working motherhood' was just another example of how life can be sooooo different for people, so different for women, living just metres from one another...


Mrs O
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Things I love about being a Mummy

- I am learning about love on a whole new level... love changes e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g


- I am actually far less highly strung than I was before being a Mummy... I mean once you spend 30 minutes getting ready to leave the house, only to be covered in a posit after an hour, you learn not to take yourself too seriously.


- I am less judgemental of other Mums. Back in the day, I would recite the mantra of the childless --- 'I would never let my child eat McDonalds  [pah, what harm did one happy meal ever do?]..I would never let my child sit and watch TV for so long..[my, isn't cbeebies educational]...basically, I love that I've realised there's always a reason for people's behaviour...you just don't know it, and you don't have to like it, but there's always a reason.


- I feel much more resourceful now, for example, I know what a 'babyccino' is and I know to ask for a sprinkle of cocoa powder on the top, AND I know that Little Miss O thinks this is hot chocolate. : ) 


-I've learnt the true meaning of 'everything in moderation'


- I am much more creative now. Kitchen staples like pasta, rice and flour used be for cooking...not anymore, they are for gluing, painting, mixing with food colouring and water and making playdough from!


- On a similar note, I LOVE that I get to buy glue, paint, glitter, glitter pens, collect leaves from the park and make collages with Little Miss O. 


- I realise just how much I LOVE to do colouring. I mean seriously, it's usually me that suggests we do colouring and when I got Little Miss O a bumper Christmas colouring book, I just COULD NOT RESIST... in fact this book had all the family involved...it became a competition.. I LOVE THIS! 

- Speaking of Family, Little Miss O has brought an entirely new level of love to mine and Mr O's relationship and every moment alone with Mr O counts for double what it did before...


- I laugh multiple times E.V.E.R.Y S.I.N.G.L.E D.A.Y. I've always been a bit of giggler, but being a Mummy has brought a new laughter to my life.. the kind of BURST OUT LOUD, ROLLING ON THE FLOOR, BEING TICKLED BY MINIATURE HANDS type of laughter, randomly burst into a fit of laughter in the middle of the street type of laughter. Basically, our house is full of noise - and we like it!


- I can be silly in public and no-one really cares and best of all, neither do I. Once, we were at the airport with Little Miss O and she was getting restless in her buggy (we had been waiting for HOURS!), so I decided to dance for her. My aunt who was with us, said 'you know when you're ready to be a Mum, when you can act like that a crazy person in public and not care!'


So, maybe that's the answer to my friend's question about being ready.... 


Mrs O
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Things to consider BEFORE starting a family (Part 3 - Working Motherhood)

Part Three of my mini-feature on 'things to consider BEFORE starting a family'...(apologies for the time gaps between these posts - Mummy duties called!). So, last time, I posted about being a Stay-at-Home Mum, and this time I thought I'd add a bit about being a Working Mum... are you ready? First off - I have got to reiterate that I think being a Stay-at-Home Mum is work in itself, but I'm talking about the kind of work that you can't take your kiddie to.


Are you ready to be a ‘Working Mum’? This is my take on working motherhood...correct me if I am wrong, or tell me if its much easier for you, cos a job-change is never out of the question! : )

From what I understand of working motherhood, if you work full-time, you'll have half a million things to do before arriving to an intray full of 'must dos'; you'll complete those ‘must dos’ whilst thinking about the other half a million things you need to do when you get home. If you work 'part-time', you'll end up doing the same work with less time and with less pay - FACT! (OK, I don't know if it's a ‘fact’, but it's my observation - and I'm mighty observant!)... : )

Onto Daycare fees. 

If you do want/need to return to work within 4-5 years of your child's birth, are you prepared for daycare fees? If you are planning close age gaps (again, that's another post in itself!), are you prepared for doubling or tripling the fee cost? Do you know someone who can look after your child for you for free - like a Grandparent or someone who lives locally?

The cost of daycare was something that shock-horrored us to the core back in 2008. We were so focussed on 'the pregnancy' and what kind of 'parents' we wanted to be that we didn't really have time to think about the practicalities... naive – yes! With average full-time daycare costing between £600-£1000 per month, it's a good idea to think about these costs beforehand. Can you afford such fees? Do you want to pay such fees? I know a young mummy of 2 who said to me 'there's no point in going to work for less than double what you pay for childcare'. Of course it depends how much going to work is 'worth' to you, but that was a really good starting point for me.

Of course there are also waiting lists for the highly sought after nurseries to think about! 2 year waiting lists - what do the kids play with? Gold bars?

Anyway, these are just a few more things to think about BEFORE starting a family.

I think I'm gonna keep these posts to show Little Miss O in about 10+ years time! : )

Little Miss O's stage debut!!!

Winter is 100% my favourite season. I can almost smell it coming in the crisp autumn air...

As though I wasn't already excited enough about Christmas being right around the corner... but I've just gotten even more excited!!!

Little Miss O has been chosen to be Mary in her first EVER Nativity Play. woooooo hoooooo! Now, don't get me wrong, I would have been excited if she were a shepherd, a star, even if she were cattle, I'd have been excited! But, Little Miss O is going to be Mary - MARY! I was so proud, I couldn't contain it and made up a song on the spot:

'go Mary, go Mary, go... go Mary, go Mary, go'.

Little Miss O joined in and it was an instant cause for celebration. I'm not sure the nursery has ever seen anything like it! You see, I was NEVER chosen to be Mary, and even though I never wanted to be the centre-stage, I always knew that was the role given to the best actress in the class. That Little Miss O has been given this role at such a young age, fills me with joy!

Being me, I asked the nursery why they had chosen Little Miss O...? I mean, let's face it, she doesn't look like the Mary in the Nativity Book we bought last Christmas. They said it was because she's the most confident - in the entire nursery - even more so than the 4 year olds! To top it all off, when Little Miss O and I were talking about her stage debut, she said that she wanted to wear her hair in 'afro-style'. I can;t help but think that purchasing Mary Hoffman's Amazing Grace was one of the best buys of the year so far!

We are so so blessed to have a daughter who oozes confidence (you should see her wiggle) and actually wants to wear her hair as it grows out of her head! I know plenty of grown folk that couldn't say the same and this makes us feel like we're doing something right - hooray...!

This is a joyous time in our household, we're looking forward to our first Christmas as Husband and Wife, our First Anniversary and now we've got Little Miss O's stage debut to look forward to as well.

Bring on December!

Mrs O
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Mummy-Tummy-Ness...

So, it's no secret that I'm a Mummy and surprise surprise my body is not the same as it was before I had Little Miss O and I'm quite OK with this. Funnily enough, I put on very little weight during our pregnancy and my bump was always really small. I hardly ate anything for months due to morning sickness and I had really 'healthy' cravings for things like satsumas and Waitrose apple juice (it really only was Waitrose that I could drink)! I have horrible memories of Mr O force-feeding me tomato soup (bless him). From the back, I was convinced that I didn't even look pregnant, though I'm sure the obligatory 9-month waddle gave the game away!

When Little Miss O was born, I lost a lot of weight - and quickly. We were both doing really well with the breastfeeding and coupled with the stress of organising our wedding over 200 miles away, plus trying to complete my PhD, I was burning off the calories from my food as it was being prepared! I actually dropped below my pre-preg. weight....BUT there was one thing that didn't budge - the bulge (aka 'the pouch')- you know that soft Mummy-tummy-ness that is all too familiar to anyone who has had a baby (even if you got rid of it, you would've had it atleast for a day!). Well, I still have it and if caught under the wrong lighting, at the wrong angle, I could easily look as though I am at the start of my second trimester (eeek!). With little time/energy/motivation/or even care(!) to exercise, I sought quick fixes. I don't go as far as yummie tummie gear, but I regularly do a whole host of other things...

- well fitting and tailored clothing. The shops that I find good for dresses and tops - without breaking the bank are: GAP, Marks and Spencer (their limited collection is actually really nice), Armani Xchange, Dorothy Perkins (yes really!), French Connection and I hate to say it, but...TopShop (my former clothing nemesis!). I can walk into these shops and usually I find stuff that fits...

- magic knickers. I am not ashamed to admit it! These are an absolute God send! I did try the spanx brand, but I wasn't so keen...it's Marks and Spencers own brand all the way for me! I think I have 4 varieties (again, I am not ashamed to tell cyberspace!) and when I need instant lipo, I don't leave the house without them...

- waist belts - to be used with caution though girls, they can create muffin tops. You've been warned!!! : )

- anything with a bit (but not too much) stretch/lycra/spandex...

This is me - 3 months post pregnancy using all of the above tips and wearing my 2nd favourite dress!

- accessories that detract from the mummy-tummy-ness, like statement jewellery, my trademark pashmina, a pair of cute heels...anything!

- limiting unhealthy foods and alcohol - this sounds obvious, but a bar of chocolate/cake fix a day is probably not helping my case! I have a real sweet tooth, so I too find it hard to deny myself, but I'm trying...

- then there is exercise... I plan to start doing some real scheduled exercise (and I use the term loosely). Why bother now though? Well, truthfully,  although I accept my mummy-tummy-ness, I will probably accept my soon-to-be yummy-mummy-non-tummy-ness just as readily!

I guess that these tips would apply to anyone who feels they could work on their mid-region...but especially to us gal's whose bellies have (beyond our control, I might add!) expanded, near exploded and then snapped back into roughly, but not quite, the same shape!

So let's raise a cupcake (!) 'carrot stick' to well tailored, stretchy but not too stretchy garments, accessories, magic knickers, cute heels and (*cough*) exercise...

Mrs O
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Little Miss O says the funniest things...

Me on the phone to Mr O: we're off to the shop before we head home, I need to get de-icer spray, a scraper and tights for baby girl.
Me to Little Miss O: (trying to sound enthusiastic!) So sweetie pie, before we go home, we're going to the shop to buy some tights for you!
Little Miss O: and a spray and scraper.
Me: Yes darling! You're so clever, yes, we're getting those and we're going to buy some tights for you!
Little Miss O: No, I have tights at home...
Me: I know, but we need to buy some more.
Little Miss O: I don't need tights, I have tights already!
Me: (sensing her lack of enthusiasm!) OK then, we're going to buy tights as a TREAT! (I used my extra enthusiastic voice!)
Little Miss O: (frowning) I need a different treat...
Me: What treat would you like?
Little Miss O: (now, grinning!) sweeeeets!

You just have to love Little Miss O! She is certainly her Father's daughter...talking about 'we've got tights at home!'... There is something so refreshing and hilarious about speaking with an innocent child!

Career vs. Motherhood vs Marriage minus the Mulberry!

'a woman can be married, with children and have a career, but she can only do two out of the three well'.


Years ago, I didn't do much with this info. but I sure did remember it. Now that I'm a married mother, who has a career, I see a lot of truth in that statement. Not that I agree with it, but I can totally understand it better now. 
I was reminded of this idea this week. I met a couple of mums at a work related training course. One of the ladies (in her 40s, with 2 boys) confessed that she feels like she is juggling all the balls in the air and that she's scared that they're going to come crashing down all around her.                
                                                                  

She explained to us 'younger mums' that she is tired of trying so hard. Ouch! I completely empathised with her. There have certainly been times where I have felt that way. But this woman, on first impressions made me think 'wow, check her out with her mahoosive mulberry bag - love her!' (I know it was real as I could smell the cow as soon as she walked into the room!). This woman seemed so poised, so well put-together, so in control - but through the course of the day, I realised that she too was winging it, day by day (and she wasn't happy about it!). I should have known better really, after all, I used to be her, minus the Mulberry! A year later, I feel like a completely different person, still winging it - but now I'm happy to be winging it! : ) It is so much easier!

Whilst I still know what my priorities are, I am determined to be a good wife, a good mother and have a fulfilling career! Call me super-woman, or call me crazy but I honestly think I am pulling it off. I think anyone can. The secret lies in having your own definitions of what a 'good' mother is, what a 'good' wife is and what it means to have a 'good' career. My success in this 'happy to wing it' attitude has come from doing things my own way and not feeling the need to keep up with the Jones', the yummiest mummy at daycare or the person who works every waking hour of the day. 

Having my own definitions and raising my own tolerance for imperfection has helped me to beyond measure! I feel like I should write a book on it! Seriously, I am so less frazzled than I was a year ago - and whenever I hear another Mum say that its all getting too much, I just want to shake them (then cuddle them) and show them a technique that may just work. Heck, it could work for anyone who feels like they're juggling too much - Mummy or not, woman or not....


Reminding myself that I don't have to be perfect all day, every day is something that I have consciously  had to do this year and slowly but surely, I'm internalising it. And guess what (?) - it feels AMAZING! Mr O is happy, Little Miss O is happy and work-wise, things are going well... I'm very nearly done with my PhD corrections..woo hoo, it's happy days!!!


Of course, Mr O's fabulousness contributes to my being able to juggle these things...but this week, I feel like I owe myself a special shout-out (big-headed, I know, but sometimes you just gotta toot your own horn!).

In the past week, I have successfully balanced bible study time (thanks to my trusty iphone), work, a training course, a sick kid, a sick husband, a teleconference whilst on my own sick day, cooked 5 dinners, did two major house clean ups, hopped on and off 4 buses, (finally) named my theoretical model (phd stuff), submitted a revised chapter of my phd, obtained a CRB disclosure (woo hoo!), had a catch up with a friend, had a girly night out, laughed at the apprentice and ugly betty and now I've found a few minutes to update this here blog!

I feel like I've achieved a lot this week (thanks to JC) and I am one happy bunny! So, toot toot and yey for me! 


Have a great weekend!
Mrs O

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School glorious school!

I went to Alfred Sutton Primary School, and honestly believe that I received a well-rounded education. I had the opportunity to play various instruments, take part in sports, learn the usual academic stuff, do drama and singing lessons, and even paid 5p for fellow pupils to decorate my hand with henna during our lunch-breaks! I loved primary school and want pretty much the same for Little Miss O - only better - in every aspect! What Mum doesn't...?!

It seems like only yesterday that Little Miss O came into this world. Yet, two years, five months, and one day later, I made my first phone-call to enquire about schools. SCHOOLS! Not for me, but for Little Miss O. Sure, she goes to nursery and she 'learns' things. Sure, the other day she said 'je m'apelle Liana', and sure I felt myself burst with pride but school is another matter altogether! 

 Of course academic achievement is important to me, and I want her to get the very best results that she is capable of, but more importantly I feel that school should be a place where little people can have fun, feel free, learn social skills, personal skills and generally build self-esteem and the confidence to excel at whatever they are good at! I want 'school' to be a place that fills Little Miss O with a thirst for knowledge, an interest in other people (from all walks of life) and a place that genuinely supports the effort that we are making as parents to help her discover what she enjoys - and what she doesn't. Now, that's a lot of things that I want from a school. I have spoken to everyone I know about local schools and to lots of strangers who I don't know and it seems that no school has this perfect combination of qualities. I know I'm being picky, but when it comes to Little Miss O, I have to be! So, choosing a school is SO SO hard. Even the fee-paying and religious schools don't tick all my boxes. 

Why does the 'best' school have to be the one with the highest academic attainment?

Why is 'personal development' so much more poorly scored than 'academic development' in many of the so-called 'best' schools?

How confusing....?!?! Why can't our little cutie have it all!?!

Maybe I should just set up my own school with this new 'free school' initiative malarky... I have to say, I do kind of like the idea of prescribing exactly what kind of education Little Miss O and her little pals should have....after all Mother knows best! : )PPPP

What was the most important thing you learnt in primary school?


Mrs O
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