From Housewife to Commuter Mum!

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was off work for a bit. I was in between jobs and absolutely LOVED being home with baby girl....fast forward a few weeks and I'm slap bang at the start of my new job.

I have been on the receiving end of: 

'you have child, I didn’t know that... and you commute! But, you’re so on top of things and so well put together!’

It was a back-handed compliment - I think. I just don't believe that because I’m a Mum and I do a parental ‘shift’ every day before and after work, I have a license to resemble a disheveled wreck! Not so - it doesn’t have to be that way, surely?!

I’m no expert on yummy mummy-ness (by a loooong stretch) but I do have a few pearls that I can pass on that help me keep the balls in the air! Lord knows I have struggled with this before - so this time around, I was determined to have a very organised approach..

First set of tips are to do with what I affectionately call ‘The Mummy Shift’..here’s what I did:

The Mummy Shift

- found great daycare for baby girl and started phasing her back into full-time nursery 4 weeks prior to me starting work. This means that we don't have any 'clingyness' when I have to run and jump in the car and she is excited to go there everyday. This makes leaving her for the day much much easier on me. Little Miss O is not phased at all by being a full-timer again and tells me herself ' I like 'girls time', but I prefer nursery' - can you spell s.o.c.i.a.l.i.t.e - and which 3 year old do you know that says 'prefer'. This my child cracks me up! Love her.

- also organised fantastic and reliable back-up daycare and after-daycare emergency relief for those inevitable times when I'm either stuck in the office or there's a problem on the road etc... you can just never have enough back-up! The day I am stuck is not the day I want to start stressing about my child's care! I have a childminder who lives 300m from the nursery and is on all call 5 days a week. I also have a standby no2 who lives 400m from the nursery. You just can’t buy peace of mind.

- cook for the week on Sunday. My Mum used to do this on Saturdays and this is something that I did during my last job and have continued so far. It's important to me that we eat healthy, balanced meals (well at least more often than not!), and I like cooking. So, I pop a dish or two in the freezer and one in the fridge and that lasts fine for Monday - Thursday. Literally, a couple of minutes to warm up the food, perhaps boil potatoes/pasta and within 15 minutes of getting home, dinner is served on the table. Et Voila! Friday is free for all in our house - take-away, dinner out when £££ permits, left-overs whatever - at that point, the weekend is in sight and I become a different, far less organised version of myself! Eat whatever, stay up late - whatever. In fact, I actively encourage Little Miss O to stay up and play on Friday and Saturday nights; this means lie ins for us in the morning!

- night duty: Pack all bags at night and leave EVERYTHING by the door - but not blocking a escape route in case of fire etc!! No more running around like a nutter looking for my file/baby girls scarf etc in the morning.. I just collect everything that is by the door and we’re off.

So far so good... things are falling into line...it’s happy days. Baby girl and I are up and ready and we usually get snuggle/TV/story/play time before we head out for nursery and the same again in the evening after dinner...

Next up ‘The London Commute!’

Things to consider BEFORE starting a family (Part 1 - Proximity to your beloved Family)

When a dear friend, Mrs J, asked:

'when you had your first child how did it affect you financially? Were you ready?' 

I sniggered to myself and thought ‘how long have you got?!’  

The way I see it, you will always figure out a way to house, feed and clothe your child, but that's just the bare bones of parenting. The issue of being 'ready' is so much bigger than money. Of course she knows this, but I just had to break it down for her..and where better than here...my little space on the web?

Whilst I don't believe that there is a ‘right’ time to start a family, I do think that when you become a parent you learn to take things in your stride. God wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, I can say that I feel that we, as grown folk, have got to have some sort of plans in place. Sure, our 'plans' may not be transformed into reality (I can testify to that!), but 'plans' help to stabilise the journey, and make us feel less anxious about what is a major series of life and lifestyle changes - parenthood.

Goodness - that is one heck of an intro. I hope you're still with me Mrs J! 

Mr O and I discussed this post together and our first thing to consider is proximity to family and core support network.

Did you grow up close to your aunts, uncles, cousins? Would you want your child to have a similar or different experience of family life? How important do you think your extended family will be in your life once you have a baby(ies)? Are they accessible when you need them? If not, are you prepared for a simple night at the cinema to cost £40 upwards!?! 

[3hr babysitter (£15) + movie tickets (£15) + popcorn/other overpriced movie snacks (£10) = £40]

We're lucky that we have a few members of my extended family nearby but the majority of our family live hundreds of miles away and we really do notice the distance of our family life. Let's face it, there are just some things that you'd only trust/want/ask your sibling/parents/bestest friend to do...  Also, even though we're lucky to have a few members of 'my' family around, we don't have a lot of 'Mr O's' family around - and that is something to consider. There will be 4 parts to your family...do you want to be able to see them all?

I feel this especially important when you're in a mixed culture relationship - if you want your kids to experience all sides of their culture(s)/language(s) etc, they're gonna need to be hearing it on the regular.  Just something to think about - not anything to freak out about!

I'm hoping that our little run-through of 'things to consider' isn't looking too bleak.. but I just found myself on a roll... and these are just things that I wish someone had told me 3 -4 years ago/ thing I wish I had taken seriously...and clearly, this is something that Mr O and I talk about a lot. So, simply talking about this post and me writing about this topic is helping us to further realign our thoughts and set out our priorities... so thanks for reading!

Still to come...

- Work/life balance!

- The cost of being a Yummy-Mummy! 

- The commitment of being a SAHM?  

- Working Mum - doe it mean what you think it means? 

- The cost of daycare! 

- Ideal sibling age gaps?!!! 

In the meantime, how close (distance) are you to your family and support network? How does it affect you and your household?

Mrs O

x

It's a new day...

Happy new year to you all!

Here's wishing that 2011 is the happiest, healthiest, and most successful year yet. As always, may we continue to have the serenity to accept the things we cant change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference : ) Last year was somewhat of an emotional/spiritual rollercoaster for me- getting married (woop woop), finishing my PhD, starting a new job, having to redo part of my thesis, trying to find ways to balance motherhood with wifeyhood, studying and career.

Basically, I had a eureka moment and decided that this whole 'pursuit of perfection' is not something that I wanted to keep doing- so I haven't done! ; )p I also really struggled with surrendering my life to Christ and submitting to his word and Mr O's. I'm a control freak by nature, so letting go was tough! All in all, it was a positive year. I learned a lot about myself and am definitely in a good place today! : ) I have let go and am so much better off for it! Thanks be to God!

I have a great feeling about 2011, so look forward to seeing the blessings be showered upon us all xxx lots of love, hugs and light - Mr n Mrs n Little Miss O - est 02/01/10 : ) xxxx