The way we were: Photos and 'Reverse' Second Child Syndrome

I've been thinking a lot lately about the whole 'second child' syndrome. Friends who are yet to become parents keep asking me things like 'do you feel the same love?', 'does it feel different?', 'Do you take fewer pictures of Mini because you've seen and done it all before?. 

Funnily, we might almost find reverse second child syndrome operating in our house. You see, we took lots of photos of Little Miss O using a digi cam. Yet,  just 5 years on, even though Mini Miss O is our second born, we already have more photos of her as a baby than we do of Little at the same age. The reason...smartphones!

Yet another revolution, mine courtesy of Steve Jobs.

Our daughters live in a world where I snap photos of them like its going out if fashion. Everything and anything, I snap them. When they're looking, when they're not. And why not, it's free, quick and I usually have my phone handy. I love natural shots mostly so I'm always on guard to snap them doing everyday things...

Mr O and I realised that, is their world now... Little loves taking selfies (she gets this from her Dad btw!) and of course Mini is fascinated by the flash.

Sooo unlike when I was a girl where you took a pic, wound on the camera and then waited till not only had you finished the roll of film but also delivered a little black tube and collected a coloured envelope, that you could see your photos- only to discover red-eye! It's only 25 years on really but sooo much has changed. Little has her own digital camera courtesy of her aunts and uncles and happy snaps and photoshops away- she is 5!!?! I can't even begin to imagine the type of photos she'll be taking when she has her own children...

All I can say is the development of photography in such a short space of time has been immense and I'm so grateful for it! We have fabulous records of our relationship and our girls to relive over and over and to share with our loved ones... Now, I must remember to print some of them and see which of these candids make to the wall, the album or if all else fails the digital photo frame... ; )

Afropolitan-ness: Where are YOU from?

Little Miss O recently asked me where she's 'from'... I thought this was an interesting question especially because we consider our girls to be of multiple heritage. 

I didnt want to tell her how to feel on this, as Ive spent more time than I cared to explaining that I consider myself to be 'Afro-British-raised in an African house in England'. Plus, i know she is like a super-sponge at the moment and has the memory of 10 elephants. Whatever I said would likely been met with interrogation (from her) and her needing a dissertation to explain my conclusions. So, in the typical style of a teacher who isn't sure of the answer,  I turned Little Miss' question around:

 'well, Daddy's family are from Ghana, and he was born in Ghana, Mummy's family are from Sierra Leone and I was born in England and you were born and still live in England, so where do you think you're from?'

Little's response: 'Mexico!' Like I've said before 'Little Miss O says the funniest things!'

; ) I probed and Little Miss decided that she thinks she is 'from everywhere''.

 I have to admit, I wasn't quite prepared for this during a standard trip to the pharmacy. but it is a question that I expected her to ask one day- she's between cultures just as I am/ was...it's only natural surely.The funny thing is that our children are not 'from' the same 'place(s)' as either myself or Mr O! For Little and Mini Miss O, I imagine thinking about the 4 languages that are spoken around them could (potentially) make it confusing for them when responding to that all important question 'where am I from?'

That's why I'm so happy to have discovered the term Afropolitan coined by Taiye Selasi. I adore it! If you've not yet read Selasi's article (it's really old now but still just as powerful and relevant today)- please do so! It's fabulous. Taiye is fabulous! I see our girls as baby Afropolitans, though I suppose its really about how they view themselves. Still,  we've deliberately chosen names for the girls to reflect this notion and we will strive for them to experience a wonderful mishmash of history and culture- not just our own. We've learnt lessons along the way but so far I think we're on track with what we can only describe as a quasi-intentional social experiment. Little is equally likely to be found picking summer berries on a farm as she is to be making meat pies with a little help from her God Mum's recipe. She's also just as happy to eat a cheddar cheese sandwich, plantain in both Sierra Leonean style or Ghanaian style (kelewele), noodles with her 'chopsticks'. okra soup and eba with her hands (it tastes better this way!) or spaghetti bolognese with a fork and spoon- she's a true baby Afropolitan and she can 'chew bones' with the best!

 

What about you?

When people ask you where you're from, what do you say? Does your response depend on who is asking?

X

Baby no2: 5 things I thought I'd do differently during pregnancy

I stumbled across this old blog post in my drafts where I wrote about things I wanted to do differently if I was blessed with carrying baby no2. Its funny that although I wrote this before conceiving again, much of it remained true...

1) I will add 2 weeks onto my actual due date. Last time, I was overdue by 8 days...8 looooong days! The loooooongest 8 days of my life!!! What made it worse was the well meaning but constant texts, calls, facebook wall posts, all asking 'is she here yet', 'when will I meet my niece?'
Kind of followed through on this- I just told people 'May' ; )


2) Not find out the sex. Last time we were less prepared for what happens when you have a baby, we wanted the heads up. We were very lucky to have been showered with gifts and Little Miss O had lots of clothes, toys, books, equipment before she arrived. It really was good for us to see all the girly stuff and prepare for our little girl. Next time though, we'd like to have a surprise. It is one of the few things in life that is truly a secret, that nobody can share (unless they are looking at an ultrasound picture with a magnifying glass!)...we want to experience the surprise too. If no2 is a girl, we'll be happy to have a little sister close in age (ish) for Little Miss O and if we had a boy, we'd be happy to have one of each! Either way, we feel we don't 'need' to know this time around...
Yey, we resisted the temptation and were happy with our decision to wait until the big day! 

3) Not bother eating pineapples... I did some research and I'd have to eat a ridiculous amount of pineapples to get enough of the labour inducing chemical into my body, by which point I figured I would be sick. Next time, I wont bother with all that inducing stuff... none of it worked, not curry (I'm used to spicy foods), not sex (no further comment necessary), not walking - unless you count the final day of walking round the shopping centre in labour! Instead, I will just plan activities for each day - regardless of my due date. I think this will be easy next time around as Little Miss O wont want to be stuck with me on the sofa feeling sorry for my over-pregnant self. Perhaps I'll tell her we have to do fun things to entice her brother or sister to come out and play!
Definitely did this! Went to a wedding, birthday dinner and photoshoot a few days before baby arrived and my proper labour started whilst sitting in a local park playing with Little Miss O! There was no 'feeling sorry for myself' this time! Yey!

4) Eat as though its going out of fashion. Last time, I had morning nausea. I was only ever sick a few times, but the nausea was horrible- feeling sick all day without the relief that comes after you've physically vomited! I could hardly eat and had to be force fed by Mr O. I went off all my favourite foods and was reduced to satsumas and apple juice. Seriously, my sister recalls me being rather tearful when someone in the house drank the last glass of my waitrose apple juice. I think on one day I ate 10 satsumas or so ..possibly more! Hormones I tell you! Anyway, next time, I really really REALLY want to be able to eat lots of food. Not least because on labour day itself, I only ate an apple and a handful of mini-oreo cookies...and then went on to deliver a whopper of a bouncing baby!
Definitely did this, though my cravings were very much healthy ones and I managed to squeeze in a blackcurrant tea whilst in the labour pool! Good times!

5) Enjoy the last few days/weeks/months of life as it is. When you're pregnant, other parents tell you to enjoy your sleep now, enjoy popping out to the shop now, enjoy life as it is NOW. They tell you that your life will never be the same again...and being pregnant of course you think you know what they're talking about. I thought 'of course I know - doh!' Well, I certainly had NO idea how much such a small person could change every single aspect of my life...practically, emotionally, everything has changed for me. I imagine that it will be the same with a second child. You think you know what it means...sure perhaps you'll need a double buggy instead of a single carriage one, you'll have twice as many nappies/food/daycare/mess to sort out...these things I think I know. Sure, I'll be excited about meeting baby no2 and praying for a safe delivery. but I'll also be enjoying our final days, just the 3 of us...me and Mr O and Little Miss O...
We really did enjoy our final days as a family of 3! 

Finding this post makes me feel like I knew myself and my heart; which makes me feel like a real grown up ; ) if 1 husband, 2 kids and 2 jobs doesn't do that- I'm not sure what will!