Then and Now - Mrs O Update

Before we got married, we had lots of people wishing us 'well' and saying things like 'good luck'...

Everyone aged 30 and younger was excited - in their heads it was paaarty time! Everyone who had been through it themselves gave us the 'hmmm, are these kids sure they know what they're letting themselves in for..' eyes. Some people decided to tell use exactly what we were in for. In fact, in each of the 5/6 weddings that we attended the year before our own, there was always some sort of reference to how hard marriage would be and how we should be prepared for that. I know that life isn't a bed of roses, but why was everyone trying to rain on my parade?! I was a 'bride2b', why couldn't they just be excited! Married folk we know shared (sometimes graphic) stories about their lives and how it nearly broke their marriages and we were sat thinking -

'ummm are we doing the right thing here?'

I mean, we already lived together, we had already started a family; what could marriage change for the good when people felt the need to wish us 'luck'.

'things are good now, why change them?'

Over the past 6 years we've been through some major life events already - the kind of life events that drive couples apart - married or not. I'm talking family *ish*, nosey parkers, unemployment, illness, becoming parents, moving house, death of people close to us and then there were a couple of decades of bad habits that we both had to overcome in order simply to 'get on' with each other, whilst living under the same roof...

As though our relationship had not already been tested enough, we had yet another curve-ball thrown painfully at us in the midst of our wedding planning.

It was crunch time; time to decide properly - were we really ready to be married and not just get married? *Big difference*

We discussed our problem and realised that as a couple, we wanted to take this step. Then and there, we made a pre-marital pact  -

'to be together forever - regardless'. 

Following our curveball, we made things 'good' again - better than before. The best yet, actually.

We worked through our *ish* because we wanted to. We never gave up on our relationship and as of last year, we have made an official, legal, and most importantly spiritual commitment to each other -

'to be together, forever - regardless'

I don't know about Mr O, but that''s the biggest promise I've ever made. I feel that this post just can't do justice to the feelings and emotion that surround of marriage, but trust me - its there.

So one year on and counting - where are we? Well, so far, marriage has not been any of those horrific things that 'marrieds' told us about. Sure, it's been a challenging year, but nothing that love couldn't conquer. I think we've already had our fair share major curve-balls anyway...and if there is more to come, I know that with Mr O by my side, we can overcome anything!

Love for me is what I imagine heroin to be like. Now that I've gotten my fix (of love), I feel that everyone else should join me...I believe that love is a beautiful thing and that everyone should fall in love...

Me? Well, I get to do it (fall in love!) over and over again with Mr O - can't get better than that!

Mrs O
x

The Perfect Bride

Somebody- a friend who is at the start of wedding planning (let's call her Cleopatra (why? well, why not!?!) said to me that she really wants to be the 'perfect bride' and because she fears she wont be' the perfect bride', she doesn't want to be the centre of attention for the day. I was deeply saddened by this.

I'm not suggesting for a minute that I have never used the term 'the perfect bride' and I don't for a second think that if at all this 'perfect bride' does exist, that Cleopatra could not be it - but the truth is, deep-down, just as I don't think there is such a thing as a 'the perfect wedding', I don't think that there is such a thing as  'the perfect bride'.

There I said it - I have never seen a 'perfect bride'!

Surely there is no definition of the term 'perfect bride'. If there is, then 1) Its not in my dictionary and 2) I obviously failed miserably in being 'the perfect bride'! I woke up on the morning of our wedding with a spot on my face!

My skin had been clear for MONTHS before the wedding and it certainly wasn't there the night before, when I stood in the hotel mirror grinning at myself and saying "you're getting married tomorrow - eeek! yey! wow!" But when I woke up on the 2nd January, with the spot smiling back at me, I just thought "how ironic" and laughed. After all, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it anyway! Why let it ruin my day!

So on the day, it was easy to deal with such 'impefections'. But what about the months leading up to the wedding? How do girls deal with the 'I must be the perfect bride' syndrome. I guess you either develop a formula for obtaining 'perfection' and try to stick to it or you just scrap the whole ideolgy of 'perfection' and JUST DO YOU!

So, what did I do? Well, initially, I opted for the 'develop my own formula' to ensure that I was 'the perfect bride', this looked something like:

"perfect dress + perfect hair + perfect make up + perfect skin + perfect nails = perfect bride"

How exhausting this stupid formula turned out to be. My hair wasn't growing quickly enough, I changed my mind about my dress and got a new one, I couldn't decide on 'diva' or 'natural' make-up and suddenly 'perfection' just seemed distressingly unobtainable. It made me think, what the heck is 'perfection' anyway?!

I have seriously struggled with this concept over the past year and have made a conscious choice to reject it. Seriously, whenever I feel the urge to stress about my shortcomings, imperfections or general flaws, I just say -

"I reject perfection, I embrace my imperfections and I'm just going to be the best version of 'myself' that I can be at this precise moment in time - period"

I truly believe that every woman can be the very best version of herself within her own money/time constraints. Perhaps, you don't have time for a skincare regime that involves pre-cleansing, steaming, exfoliating, washing, toning and moisurising but you probably could buy an all-in-one face wash and achieve great results. The point is that you can only do the best you can do and what others are able to do at any point in time is irrelevant. There will always be someone in a 'better' or 'worse' position than you - why use them as your barometer when you set your own!

I suppose my post really is to say, girls (and I'm talking specifically to you Cleopatra) - you are not 'perfect', neither am I, none of us are in fact and that's OK. There really is no reason to be perfect and perfection is boring anyway. Trust me! Our flaws make us who we are and our bodies will unlikely change shape just because 'our big day' is coming up. God meant to give us big hips, a jelly belly, broad shoulders, a big nose and/or one boob slightly bigger than the other! There is NOTHING we can do about these things (assuming surgery is not an option!) and there is no reason why you should obsess over these things. Actually, it's our 'flaws' that make us perfectly imperfect. You can read that as 'perfect' if you want to! : )P Of course, there is always something that you could do, no matter how big or small, to make yourself look and more importantly, feel better, but know when to stop girls! It's important that your groom recognises you on the day, right?! He fell in love and asked YOU to marry him, so its only fair that YOU are the one walking towards him on your big day.

Cleopatra thinks that no matter what I say, people will always criticise a bride. OUCH! I'd hate think that anyone criticised me, but hey apparently it's 'natural' for women to critical of other women. I just think by doing that, we become more critical of ourselves. Maybe if us girls acted a bit more like men 'taking things as we see them', then we'd be less harsh others and less critical of ourselves too.

After all, aren't be all trying to be the very best versions of ourselves that we know how to?

Surely that should be enough....

'Cleopatra', you just try to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. 'Yourself' is beautiful, intelligent, happy and smiley - lots of girls would LOVE to be you! I know you will make a stunning bride. I just pray for you to enjoy the journey as much as the destination... xx

With love,

Mrs O
x

First comes wedding, then comes marriage...

So, with it being summer (apparently), it's 'wedding season'. I am hearing about them right, left and centre. Either, I am going to one, my friend is going to one, or another friend is actually taking the plunge...it's exciting stuff!


The topic of 'weddings' is no hotter than within our department at work. You see, we have a generational split going on - some colleagues are going to friends' weddings, whilst others' are helping their friends through divorces! 


Mr O and I are just starting on this journey, we made a commitment - that's that. So, officially, the word 'divorce' is not present in our mental dictionaries! But don't all newlyweds say that? Who gets married thinking 'we may get divorced!'? Nobody, I hope!


One comment that my more life-experienced colleagues made, was that a marriage can be set up for failure if the 'wedding gets bigger than the marriage'! Ouch! This notion is something that we encountered on a personal level and in honesty, at times, we had to make a conscious effort to keep our impending marriage from being overtaken by our wedding.


A few things that worked for us were:


- Constantly asking ourselves, 'will this matter in 5 years time?' 
This was possibly one of the best things that we did. This helped us to eliminate several unnecessary costs and saved us a lot of time in the process. Time that we could spend together, reconnecting and getting excited about our commitment. Certain things were important to us, other things weren't. It's a personal choice that each couple has to make, but asking this question was really helpful for us.


- Having a personalised marriage course
We did this with our Reverend. She is fantastic - through and through. We were able to discuss our personal concerns/hopes/fears about marriage and selected key Bible verses to guide us through. Of course 'love is patient, love is kind' was featured in there.


- DIYing
By sitting down and completing random tasks together it gave us 'us' time. We would sit chatting whilst making our invites and laugh whilst making sparkly gold twigs! In fact, some of the pre-marital conversations that I will always hold near to my heart, are those that we had, sitting on the floor, surrounded by pearlised card, glue mice and a guillotine! Sometimes we sat wordless - cutting and sticking, listening to music and exchanging lovey dovey eyes - how cute - how priceless. 


- Banning 'wedding talk'.
Planning a wedding can be so consuming, especially if you're a girly girl-uber-excited-bargain hunting-control freak (like me) and you're constantly talking about it! We had several 'no wedding' nights, where we couldn't mention ANYTHING wedding-related and just did 'us' and not 'bride and groom'. Again, some of the best evenings of our pre-marital time.


Sure, we put all of our efforts and a lot of our money into our wedding BUT we only did that because we wanted to have a fun day, with the people we love most and to celebrate our marriage. It's basic maths, one day does not equal forever - if only it were that easy.


One facebook friend who seems to have an understanding of this (and who incidentally planted the seeds for this post) wrote:


"If people spent at least as much time preparing for their marriage as they do the wedding day, what a difference it would make. The wedding is just one day or several days in some cases, either way, it all comes and goes like every other day, but when all is back to 'normal', there has to be true substance to sustain the marriage. For us, only God will be our unshakable foundation." 


Here's to a generation who is entering church with our eyes open!




Mrs O
x

Big, Slim or a bit of both?

For most girls, choosing a wedding dress is the single, biggest fashion decision we have to make. I struggled for over a year to find the perfect dress. But you know what, I did!!! It really is hard to know what you want in a wedding-world so full of options!


Strapless, backless, frontless (yes, I've seen this)..big, slim or a bit of both. I wont reveal just yet what I decided on, as Mr O is yet to see me glide down the aisle! For now, I thought I'd display the best of each kind of dress... 'The BIG and Bold', 'The Slim and Slinky' and 'The Bit of Both!'


The BIG and Bold

This dress from Oscar De La Rentas Spring 2009 collection, for me embodies femininity. It truly is stunning. I LOVE the sweetheart neckline, in combination with the curly twirls of silk organza. I could just fall asleep on this dress. It is stunning! On a smaller budget, Ian Stuart has some fabulous designs that push the boundaries of bridal style over to the high fashion couture arena!


The Slim and Slinky

This lace number from Charlotte Balbier's, Imagination Collection, is called Tabitha. Simply, I heart this dress. It is such a simple statement of slimline elegance, and glamour. The plunge back says, 'sexy' in the most subtle and perfect way for a bride. In a word - beautiful. I am a huge fan of Charlotte's style. Every dress is soft, feminine and unique.




The Bit of Both
Sometimes a girl just cannot decide between fulfilling the desire to be princess in a 'Big and Bold' and wanting to show of the figure that we have TIRELESSLY tried to maintain! So, how about 'The Both of Both'? Show off the figure on the top and have a nice big 'princessy' skirt at the bottom. Here are couple of items that fit this description, that you just have to love.

Manuel Mota - Tamara, from the 2010 Collection.

Elie by Elie Saab - Carla, from the 2010 Collection






x
Mrs O

Project W - A*

I cannot believe I haven't updated my blog since November...especially when there is so much that has been going on. 


Shame on me! 


I suppose I've been caught up in the thick of it all...and absolutely loving it... being a Christian, a mum, a daughter, and latest of all, being a wife. wooop wooop! How unfair of me not to share the wonder that was our wedding day tehe... well... just to follow-up on 'Project W' (as it became affectionately known)... everything went AMAZINGLY. We had the most perfect and downright spectacular day! Thanks be to God.

'Project W' - in 60 seconds... 


My one true love (Mr O) and I got married on Saturday 2nd January 2010!


Following this, my cousin created an album on facebook entitled ‘if Carlsberg did weddings, they’d be probably be something like this…’ WoW, what a compliment!

We decided about half way through our 18 months of wedding planning, that we would simply ‘keep it real’. There was not a chair cover, butterfly or birdcage in sight, yet our day was as fun and fresh as we are, filled with laughter, music, family and friends, delicious food, fine wine (lots of it) and topped with festive cheer …what more could we ask for?

Looking back, our wedding was somewhat of an extravaganza...and truly the perfect way to start 2010! We had 230 very important guests (no fillers!), a sand ceremony using Ghanaian and Sierra Leonean sand, a steel band to welcome guests to Sindlesham Court, pink uplighters, fairy lights, candles EVERYWHERE, hand-made touches, a dancing entrance, a HILARIOUS best man’s speech, a stunning (surprise) dance performance by our groomsman (!), beautiful bridesmaids, one tossing of my garter to the boys (*blush*), one exploding balloon, one tower of Krispy Kremes and this was before the traditional African ‘Gombe’ drums, which accompanied our change of outfit in the evening! Phew…like I said, it was somewhat of an extravaganza... 

In it's most simple terms though, it was a *celebration* of our *love*...and we truly are in love and it feels fabulous. 

Here are a few photo highlights! 

My beautiful roses - I've kept a single flower from the bouquet and my Husband's buttonhole. They look equally stunning dried!

Our 'save the date' - we handmade all our stationary..and we're really pleased we did. It made for a lovely personal touch.

Here come the boys.. they're a handsome bunch don't you think?

Mum and I sharing a moment just before entering the church.....

Our sand ceremony. My late Father brought sand from Lumley Beach, Sierra Leone and our best man brought sand from Labadi Beach in Ghana. We poured sand into the Unity Bottle...representing that our love, as the grains of sand are individual, yet indivisible...aaaawwww...

Yey! We did it!

Our stunning bridesmaids. I love these girls, with every bit of my heart! 

Thank you for everything...

A quick shot of our table plan. The tables were named after places/points in our lives that have a key meaning. Our top table was Durham, where it all began.

Our table names. 
We are planning to up-cycle the frames as gifts, by printing our favourite pictures and giving them to special guests!

A bit of a jam during the drinks reception!

Our dancing entrance!

Us enjoying ourselves at our table...

A surprise and rather stunning dance performance by our groomsman and his girlfriend...(I'll try to post a video when I get one)

Us, cutting our cake, courtesy of Margaret Burridge of  http://www.celebcakes.com/

Our official first dance to Taio Cruz/Sugababes, like a star...  : )

Time for a few more photos...

Quick change into our evening gear...fabrics courtesy of Vogue Fabrics - http://www.voguefabrics.co.uk/ and tailoring by Mei  http://www.mei-lai.com/

A close up...

...and the beat goes on...party! party!! party!!!

and of course our photographers Lynsey and Chris, from http://www.rougeamour.co.uk/. They were 100% fabulous. Thank you! x

Au or Faux naturale? Bridal Hairstyles

At the moment, with it being Black History Month, there seems to be a lot of talk about race, intelligence and beauty. Always a thought-provoking topic! There are films like Chris Rock’s ‘Good Hair’, and Channel 4's insightful documentary series, ‘The White Beauty Myth’.

All this has got me thinking even harder about my choice of bridal hairstyle, and the possibilities seem to be endless. Nonetheless, I am finding it surprisingly hard to find inspiration for bridal hairdos for black women.


Do I go for a long, sleek and very versatile Caucasian style weave, afro-centric hair extensions, to give me that bit of length that I so desire, without necessarily conforming to the ‘straight + long = beautiful’ mantra OR do I figure out something to do with my own natural 1 inch head of hair.


Before I go any further, I just want to clarify that I think everyone is free to wear their hair as they please (sing it India!). On a personal level, I want my bridal hairstyle to represent the way I view myself at this stage in my life - and that is proud to be a black woman, very comfortable in my own skin and realising that I truly am not my hair and that I can wear it any way I wish and still be me. An empowering revelation! At the same time, I am no Whoopi Goldberg and sisterlocks are not for me. I simply want a bridal ‘do’ that is different and a lot more special than the way that I usually wear my hair – TWA (teeny weeny afro)…after all it is my wedding day! At the same time, it has to be tried and tested style that I know I like the look of! The big day is no time for beauty experiments, is it girls!


Aside from kinky twists and braid-outs, I can think of little else I can do with my, albeit beautiful, very short and rather kinky hair. Had I been brave enough to shave my head and grow out my natural hair a few years ago, perhaps I would have had more length to play with. If I did, these are some styles that I find really pretty and would definitely have considered.

This now leaves me with two options 1) Afro-centric extensions and 2) Caucasia-centric sleek weave…or is there a third option after all, a curly weave, giving me the length, without leaving guests wondering if it really is me beneath all the make-up and tresses!

Here are some styles that I am currently salivating over!

The Afro-Centric

The Caucasia-Centric

Afro-casia-centric?  is it ‘OK’ to just make up words…tehehe

...so many beautiful styles...so many decisions...only 66 days to go! Wish me luck...

Melvina

x