Helloooo silver lining!

The last time I blogged (bar yesterday), seems like sooooo far away! Here are few things that I'm walking into 2012 (Happy New Year btw - can I still say that?) with:

- a new home - yipee!

- In relation to moving, I have now completed my first month of pure,  fun SAHM-ness and I've absolutely LOVED it. The novelty is yet to wear off and I am LOVING baking, painting, home-making, chilling, painting my nails and reading magazines with my gorgeous little girl. It's as though I am falling in love with her all over again (not that I ever fell out of love with her!), but having time for and with her has just been amazing.

- As much as I love this SAHM phase, I know at some point, I will want to go back to work, at least part-time, but this time career/PhD-ing will not take over my life. It's all about balance, right?

- Similarly, I have also now done a whole month of house-wifey-ness. I'm actually quite good at it. Big respect to my girlfriends who are making the choice to SAH. If and when I do return to full-time work, I plan to do it differently...and if I can't do it the 'O' way, then I'm just not going to do it at all - simples.

- I've realised that when things work out in a way that you might not have hoped or prayed for, sometimes its part of a bigger plan and sooner or later, the silver lining reveals itself. Hello silver lining - nice to meet you!

- I love sharing my life with my extended family... it all seems to revolve around rites of passage - birthdays, births, marriages etc ... it's all quite traditional and I love it! I managed to get all my brothers and sisters in one room at the same time for no reason - the first time since our wedding - and I loved just being in their company... In particular, my little sis and I have had some really fun times lately and I'm looking forward to having more of that time with her.

- I've finally found a range of hair products that my curly locs are thriving on. Let's hear it for 'Davines - Natural Tech, whose shampoo, nourishing pak and conditioner are fab and the perfect compliment to my homemade shea and coconut concoctions that I use for styling my hair.

- I've accepted on a whole new level the fact that I always have a choice - even when I think I don't. When I do nothing, I'm making a choice to do 'nothing'. Sure, it's not the most profound realisation, but it led to me choosing to leave a situation that was just not good for my soul. Period. I allowed the situation to sap some of my energy, some of my zen and that is one area that I have actively chosen to change, and let me tell you, it feels A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! My energy is going in one direction now and I like it.

- A few years ago, I discovered Bobbi Brown's long wear eye-shadow and raved about it, here. Now I've tried MACs version. I am now a MAC-Bobbi and back to MAC convert! The MAC stuff remained perfect, uncreased and flawless from 10.30am till 4am the next morning! And let me tell you, I put the stuff through its paces! That is a £££-saving find, so had to share it! That said, Bobbi will still be my first stop for nude lipsticks - bare pink and twilight all the way!

So, all in all, I'm flying into 2012 feeling: full of love, light and ummm curves (I definitely over-indulged last year!).... so will be starting up my fitness regime again soon...

That's all for now!
x

Things I like to share...

I love stumbling across random blogs and finding a musing that inspires me for the day - sometimes longer. So I feel I owe it to cyberspace to give as well as take ('that's what she said' - any office fans out there?!)...

In thinking about whether or not I'd like to keep blogging, I've decided just to blog when I want to and publish when I feel it's something worth sharing, if I want to reach out, get random, dare I say, 'advice' from strangers who have followed this here blog, or sometimes just because I feel like it.

So, today, I feel like sharing something - it's not about weddings or babies, but it is about L.O.V.E...

This week I lunched with someone I l.o.v.e like a sister and this is how the conversation went:

She: What does it feel like to be in love?

Me: I'm not really sure what to say to you. I imagine it's different for everyone?!

She: My friend says its when you can't stop thinking about someone...

Me: No, that's just obsession lol...or maybe infatuation lol....thinking about someone all the time is probably a prerequisite for being 'in love' but experiencing those things doesn't always mean you're 'in love'...why are you asking...

She: [looking at me blank and desperate for an answer]

Me: I personally think being 'in love' is when you are so obsessed with someone that you want to share things with them and want them to share things with you, then you end up knowing them and sharing so much with them that you discover things about them that you don't like, yet you love them anyway, possibly even more than before you knew all the bad stuff... 

[eloquent I know!]

...and so the conversation continued.

I still don't know if that was the 'right' thing to say to her... but then today, I was clearing out my inbox (after about 2 years!) and I came across an email about kid's opinions on love...I had to share. 

These were my personal favourites:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' 

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image!)
Karen - age 7

Apparently, the winning response from these kids was a four year old child 

whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Next time I'm asked, I hope I can come up with something as profound as these kids have done...

Still me, Still Mrs O

x

Little Miss O says the Funniest Things

In the car:

Little Miss O: Mummy, what did you say when you were a baby?
Me: I said 'waaa waaa waaa!'

Little Miss O: Daddy, what did you say when you were a baby?
Mr O [following my response]: I said 'gaaa gaaa gaaa!'

Little Miss O: When I was a baby I said.... 'OOOH NAAA NAAA, WHAT'S MY NAME, OOOH NAAA NAAA, WHAT'S MY NAME!'

I think it's time to tune out of the radio and into nursery rhymes again!

Mrs O
x

Akwaaba - a warm welcome from Ghana

...whenever I meet anyone who happens to have met a Ghanaian before, the first thing they tell me is how welcoming, warm and friendly their friend/cousin/colleague is. More or less, this has also been my experience so far... 


When we arrived at the airport, just after collecting our baggage (which is a story on its own!), we were met with the following sign:

I saw the sign, sniggered and took out my camera.  Beside it, stood a policeman who said 'do you like it?' I wasn't really sure if I should say yes or no - I mean he looked very serious! I chose 'yes' and then he smiled...and I scurried on my way! It was the start of an extremely interesting trip - full of irony, laughter and unexpected surprises along the way. 


It's been SUCH an amazing experience and I'm gonna write some posts about it, before the details get lost somewhere in the depths of my memory.


Ghana is one different place...I can't wait to go back - soon!


Mrs O
x

These are a few of my favourite things...

Mr O: 'here you go'

[He hands over an unexpected really cute box of pink champagne truffles from hotel chocolat]

Me: 'aww thank you baby - why did you buy me these?!'

Mr O: 'Well, they're chocolates, they're pink and they've got champagne in, so I thought you'd like them!'

Source: Hotel Chocolat

Whoever said it was the big things - lied. It's all about the teeny tiny weeny things.

Love you baby, you know me so well - 'chocolate', 'pink' and 'champagne' are three of my favourite things!!!!

Mrs O
x

Then and Now - Mrs O Update

Before we got married, we had lots of people wishing us 'well' and saying things like 'good luck'...

Everyone aged 30 and younger was excited - in their heads it was paaarty time! Everyone who had been through it themselves gave us the 'hmmm, are these kids sure they know what they're letting themselves in for..' eyes. Some people decided to tell use exactly what we were in for. In fact, in each of the 5/6 weddings that we attended the year before our own, there was always some sort of reference to how hard marriage would be and how we should be prepared for that. I know that life isn't a bed of roses, but why was everyone trying to rain on my parade?! I was a 'bride2b', why couldn't they just be excited! Married folk we know shared (sometimes graphic) stories about their lives and how it nearly broke their marriages and we were sat thinking -

'ummm are we doing the right thing here?'

I mean, we already lived together, we had already started a family; what could marriage change for the good when people felt the need to wish us 'luck'.

'things are good now, why change them?'

Over the past 6 years we've been through some major life events already - the kind of life events that drive couples apart - married or not. I'm talking family *ish*, nosey parkers, unemployment, illness, becoming parents, moving house, death of people close to us and then there were a couple of decades of bad habits that we both had to overcome in order simply to 'get on' with each other, whilst living under the same roof...

As though our relationship had not already been tested enough, we had yet another curve-ball thrown painfully at us in the midst of our wedding planning.

It was crunch time; time to decide properly - were we really ready to be married and not just get married? *Big difference*

We discussed our problem and realised that as a couple, we wanted to take this step. Then and there, we made a pre-marital pact  -

'to be together forever - regardless'. 

Following our curveball, we made things 'good' again - better than before. The best yet, actually.

We worked through our *ish* because we wanted to. We never gave up on our relationship and as of last year, we have made an official, legal, and most importantly spiritual commitment to each other -

'to be together, forever - regardless'

I don't know about Mr O, but that''s the biggest promise I've ever made. I feel that this post just can't do justice to the feelings and emotion that surround of marriage, but trust me - its there.

So one year on and counting - where are we? Well, so far, marriage has not been any of those horrific things that 'marrieds' told us about. Sure, it's been a challenging year, but nothing that love couldn't conquer. I think we've already had our fair share major curve-balls anyway...and if there is more to come, I know that with Mr O by my side, we can overcome anything!

Love for me is what I imagine heroin to be like. Now that I've gotten my fix (of love), I feel that everyone else should join me...I believe that love is a beautiful thing and that everyone should fall in love...

Me? Well, I get to do it (fall in love!) over and over again with Mr O - can't get better than that!

Mrs O
x

One year and counting - Our First Anniversary

Wow - so officially, we made it... we've been married for a year! ONE WHOLE YEAR!  Plenty of people don't make it this far, I can think of at least 10 celebrity couples off the top of my head, so I am so so so thankful that my boo and I are still going strong - in fact stronger than ever. There was never any doubt, but we've still got to be thankful right! Can I get an Amen? And can I get a wooo hooo? Is it that obvious that I'm excited?!

Over the festive season, we spent a lot of time with family and friends, watched our wedding video on two separate occasions (with 2 different sets of people I should point out!)... we also received our final wedding album and a gorgeous calendar of photos (thank you rouge amour) which has now replaced a christmas wreath on our dining area wall (its funny because that wreath also featured at the top table of our wedding, so it feels lovely and symbolic to be replacing it with our personalised calendar for 2011!)

Looking at our photos and watching ourselves making promises to one another, in front of all our nearest and dearest was, well, moving really. On our actual anniversary, we found ourselves playing 'this time last year...' and kept recalling memories and sharing how we each felt on the day. It was such fun and really got us thinking, reflecting and talking.

One year on, how do I feel? How does Mr O feel? How has marriage differed from what we thought it would be like, what has changed? what hasn't changed? What have we learnt and what will be we do differently this year? Are we still newlyweds even? Hmmm...I could go on forever and I almost feel like I couldn't even begin to address these question in just one post, so I wont even try. I like writing this blog because I know I can look back at how I felt at a certain point in time and compare it to how I feel now, so I don't want to just skim over things... who knows, in a years time, I may want to look back at how I feel right now...

So, I think I'm not going to address every detail of marriage thus far in one vague post... instead, I'll probably write a few...we'll see how it flows I guess. Hopefully, well, maybe 10 years from now, I might look back and think - 'awww' or perhaps I'll think 'oh please' or maybe even, 'oh I thought I knew'...

First up has to be 'Then and Now'. I'll be working through what we thought 'marriage' would be like and how it's changed our relationship - for the better!    

(an annoying loved up)
Mrs O
x

A Wife's Responsibilities in Marriage

In my last post, I mentioned that I am reading 'The Strong Willed Wife' by Dr Debbie Cherry. It's all about using your personality to honour God and your Husband and it's centred on the idea of being submissive. 


Alas, I reached Chapter 8 'Rights and Responsibilities'. I am really liking this chapter in particular, as it sort of synthesises the guidance from the various books of the Bible on what Mr O and I should be doing in our marriage. My focus for the moment is on what I should be doing, after all, I want to be the best wife that I can be. That is what he deserves. So, according to Debbie's interpretation of the Bible, wives' responsibilities are:


To be a 'help meet' to your Husband
According to the first Bible story that we all know, Eve was created to be with Adam and fill some sort of gap. I like to think it means, that without me, Mr O could only go so far. Wink*wink. As the saying goes, behind every successful man is a woman! So, I am cool with the first aspect of my responsibilities, to support and encourage Mr O, and I am actually OK with him and his needs coming ahead of my own. 


To show respect to your Husband
The second responsibility unique to wives is showing respect. Of course I respect Mr O. How could I marry a man that I didn't respect? But the point of my duty as a 'wife' is to show him that respect - 24/7 - even when I do trip over the (painful) Birkenstocks that he leaves in unsuspecting corners of our home! sigh...
Regardless of the situation, I should show him the utmost respect. Debbie highlights how sometimes we give our best to the outside world and our husbands get the leftovers. We are always so much more kind and patient with strangers. It is very easy to do this, but it is just not OK. Mr O is my Husband, and if anyone should be getting the best of everything I have to offer - my time, energy, love and enthusiasm, it should be him, right? 
After reading this chapter, I will certainly continue to make an extra-concerted effort to make sure that EVERYTHING I do and say to him (and behind his back, for that matter) is out of the appreciation, admiration, love and respect that I have for him as my 'Husband'. 


Now for the third 'commandment' - brace yourselves!


To be submissive to your Husband
Eugh! Why does this word make me itch! Ephesians 5:22 states:
"Wives, submit to your Husbands as to the Lord". 
It is there in black and white, yet, I have tried to dress it up, dilute it, remix it and basically try any way of wriggling out of the FACT that I must submit to Mr O, just as I should submit to Jesus. If I submit to Jesus, how can I not submit to my Husband and if I submit to my Husband, how can I not submit to Jesus. 


Like I said before, this is a hard concept for me to grasp. But I feel that taking this conscious step to wholeheartedly submit to Mr O, will help me be more submissive to Jesus - which is totally something that I want to do - and soon! I guess I better read on, to unravel the 'myths' surrounding submission. I know what images my mind conjures up when I read the word 'submission', I just know deep down that I must be wrong...well, at least I hope so...


What do you think when you hear the word 'submission'? 


Mrs O


x

Wives submit to your Husbands...

I could write an essay on the topic of us Wives submitting to our Husbands, as the Bible suggests we do in Ephesians.

Being submissive is actually something that had never crossed my mind before we got married. That isn't because I have disregarded the concept, I simply haven't given it any thought before. Until now. I figured I would do my research, I just can't help myself it seems. Obviously, the main thing from my perspective is that both myself and Mr O are happy with my degree of submissiveness and we both believe that the way I conduct myself with him is pleasing to the big G.

I am very much an independent, confident, free-thinking and ever-so-slightly random woman - apparently that's why he loves me *blush* I like to think I am God-fearing and I've noticed that focusing our marriage on what has worked for generations before us, has so far set us in good stead for handling the challenges that inevitably come with being married - in the real world - where everything doesn't smell of roses and where we run through the rain, rather than stand kissing in it as they do in the movies.

I have to be honest, sometimes the Bible doesn't always make sense to me, some things appear to contradict each other and I don't yet feel comfortable to approach my pastor or Church elder with every little query I have with it. Instead, I search online - I especially like Christian blogs such as boundless  and simple marriage. I also seek out books to help me understand things better. 

Most recently, I ordered Debbie Cherry's book - The Strong Willed Wife - Using your personality to honour God and your husband [good ol amazon!]. So far, it is making for a very interesting read. I'll keep you posted as I make my way through it...and as I decide what 'submitting' to Mr O means for our marriage...

But for now, I'm still pondering... Should us Wives submit to our Husbands? If you're not married, do you plan to submit to your future husband? 

Mrs O
x